BT2 and emoing

woohooo...BT2's coming to an end...and i have 6 days of HOLIDAY....haha. ok la. including saturday and sunday. all thanks to being able to finish exams earlier than the rest of the school. heh.

i think i'm really quite screwed up this time. i'm sick and tired of studying...its ironic, because i barely studied. and i know i'm going to get squashed and stared at by you-know-who. i think it's sad that when you start improving or when you keep doing consistently well (this is so not my problem), the teachers really place quite alot of pressure, most of the time unknowingly of course. all of a sudden there are so much expectations to meet up to and at the end of the day, you start wondering who on earth are you really studying for?

it's very easy to give the model Christian answer and say "Let's not study for anyone else but for the glory of God. AMEN???". i don't know. everything Christian just seems so pretentious nowadays. perhaps it's the frustration from all the exam stress and frustration at my stupidity and slowness of thinking and understanding. i've been pretty much falling away from God and the horror is...i don't seem to really bother. i know it's very wrong of me to be doing all these, ranting and stuff. In what ways are my actions glorifying God???? i don't know. just the other day when i was emoing... thanks to chemistry or was it maths...and it just suddenly occured to me what my purpose in life was. True, Christianity speaks of the great commission etc. but to me...it doesn't really mean anything. i don't mean or intend to just fall away or leave God cos i know it's a really stupid thing to do. Yet, i want something real and tangible. i miss the close times i used to share with Him. i really don't know where all that passion and stuff have gone and i've just been so...ungodly.

i wish to talk to someone about all these problems, but i don't know who to go. for those whom i trust, i love too much to hurt. i've experienced it once and i don't want the same thing to happen. after all these while it was still so difficult to meet up with her because things just felt so awkward. i wish i could be truthful with lim. i know that he's really serious about being right with God and all that and in one way, i don't dare to tell him what is going on. and on the other, i know that because he really cares, i don't want to hurt him and make him worry about me either.

ok....enough emo-ing la. let me tell you about my wonderful journey of BTs. i'm really quite amused at myself.

Maths - my brain is too complicated for it's own good. i took the normal expansion of BINOMIAL theorem and i went to do MACLAURIN's EXPANSION instead...for 2 mark!!! argh...this is what happens when you practise alot of the weaker topics. blah. to think i was so pleased with myself at that point of time thinking i'm so CREVER. and then. there were some weird question which i've never seen in my entire life. apart from the familiar yet unfamiliar looking greek mathematical symbols and algebra and what nots...i couldn't tell what on earth which topic the question was touching on. some weird inequalities and yet not inequality-kind-of-question.

Bio. - it was really quite hilarious,considering that i studied everything else except human genome project. and guess what came out for the one and only compulosry essay question???? YEP....HUMAN GENOME PROJECT....16 marks......no more..hahaha. i think it was quite funny how some people took the question on stem cells literally when it said smth like "ILLUSTRATE the normal functions of stem cells in an organism." and really DREW the stem cells. HAHHAA, farneh.

chemistry - WOOO...i tell u. i am PROUD of myself for this exam. for the FIRST time. i didn't have spare time!!! ok. this may sound bad..but for those who know my history of doing chem papers, i USUALLY have about 1 hr plus to spare. HAHAHAHA. so i'm really quite proud to say that i really tried to do the paper. the only say and frustrating part was MCQ. we had 1 hr to do the 40 questions, at the half an hour mark...i was only at question 8. to put into context how bad i was, let me tell you, people were at question 18 and they were already freaking out. so yeah...from question 8 onwards i kept freaking out so i didn't bother to think/analyse the questions and just randomly shaded according to what looked nice. hahaha. anyway...for all the questions, my answer didn't match with any of the 4 options for MCQ...OH WELL....

haha..i really feel quite happy thinking about the silliness of this whole Block test. hahahhaa.

social work?

i'm going on a CIP passion high.

i dunno. i'm supposed in a way i'm quite inspired by the current social worker show (like i usually am with such shows.). it set me thinking about what i really want to do in the future. While i used to think that i'd stick with the arts and media sector, i've been having doubts lately. i mean yeah, sure, i do enjoy it, but it's more of a hobby and a skill then a passion. i've seen myself hating art before and i have no idea whether i'll like it as a job job, with all the datelines and stressfl and discouraging critics and what nots.

i've been wavering between like social work/counselling and involvement in the art and media industry and the more i analyse and look at my past experiences etc. it seems that i'm getting prepared for a life of social work. For one, my love and interest with working with animals and the now and then digital stuff could help in therapy for children :) i never was interested in like social social work, but it seems to be growing on me as i get more involved in the work with organisations, getting to understand how they work and i must say, i do enjoy it. there's this sense of fulfilment and satisfaction when you get to help them :) i supposed all the people that God has placed in life has also inspired me to do likewise and mentor them :)

maybe after the As i'll go on a CIP frenzy at Beyond Social Services, Riding for the Disabled, SPCA or ASD..hmm....:) oh yes...my 200 over hrs of CIP now will come in handy for my portfolio when i sign up for the course. yes yes :) haha. my route has been planned out by my Maker. BOY AM I BLESSED :)

lost wallet

WHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my camp entry is looooonnnngggg. (i just completed and added on part 2 of the camp. so read on!) not bad. i thought last year's camp entry owned it all...but this is even better. HAHA! what to do. an awesome camp like SFCs deserves an AWESOME entry. though of cos my entry don't do justice to the AWESOMESTNESS of camp :)

anyway. i'm sad and missing my wallet loads. i somehow lost it after watching pirates. SOBZ. i still dun understand why people ask me what happened. if i knew, my wallet wouldn't be lost would it????? anyway, i PRAY that God wil convict the person who found it to be nice and return the wallet back to me. i think next time i should put a card inside that says GOD LOVES YOU. PLS RETURN THIS WALLET TO ME IF FOUND. and of course in a super tiny font (with all my contents still in it) haha. YES YES. THAT'S WHAT I DO!! ok la. the money doesn't quite matter. the wallet holds loads of memories for me. how it once got lost and somehow miraculously found it's way back to me. i'm hoping for the same thing to happen :) ah wellz. looking on the bright side....at least i can get a nicer looking ez link card...STILL...i WANT MY WALLET BACK! bah. sobs...sniff. God pls help me be reunited with it...pretty please :)))))))))