was doing qt when i chanced upon this passage in the bible. wasn't in the devotion guide, but the main title of the passage caught my eye and i continued reading. only to feel spoken to and to write it in my blog. perhaps it will speak to you as well.

1 thessalonians 4:13 - 5:24 (NIV version)

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that,we who are still alive and are left will be caught up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. while people are saying, 'peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

But you, bothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who drink, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.

He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all curcumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. may your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

i am ready. are u?

the book 'heaven is so real' is just...cool.it showed me so many things. how heaven is like, how hell is like, who gets to inherit the kingdom of God, the coming of christ etc

i don't really care whether heaven really is full of gems and all. or that i get to live in a big mansion with the type of interior designs that i want. all i want is to be near to god, have a close relationship with him. i would rather live in a cellar of his house, be the lowest servant of his. i think it would be an honour just being able to serve him. i just want to be like the author. able to walk tru the gardens with him, talking or just being together, not uttering a word, enjoying one another's presence. WHOA....so wonderful.

God says that the kingdom is ready for His people. but His people are not ready yet. but he also said that for those who are ready and waiting, he is ready for them as well. i am ready. i am waiting. i can't wait for him. and give him a nice big bearhug. the biggest and bestest i have ever given =)

it's sad that some people still have harden hearts and refuse to accept the free gifts that are offered in their face. hiaz....think about this. if u believe and accept, what do u lose? you stand to gain so much more. stop looking so deeply into things. God tells u things just as they are.

i am ready. are u?

back to the first love

i'm back to my first love. yay.
God is just so real in my life man. it's just so amazing. so wonderful. YAY

anyway, had another weird dream. the only thing i would write here is the part where i heard that God told josia to build an ark. yea. just like noah was supposed to. CRAP..i dunno how to swim. i hope God places me on that ark man.

i wonder if such dreams are just random thots of mine, or they really and truly are something that God wants to tell me. argh. why can't He be clearer.

My heart it longs
My soul it thirsts for more
For more of You

I'm reaching out
I'm waiting here for more
For more of You

Cause all I want is You
And all I need is to be here with You

I'm hungry for Your fire
I'm desperate, You're my one desire
Jesus, please dont pass me by

I need You more than ever
I'm thirsty for a touch from Heaven
Jesus, please don't pass me by

Don't pass me by Lord
I'm desperate for You

blast u idiot cockroach

issue 1: school life

hasn't been great. i'm starting to slack. oh the horrors. yes. i think i'm going to fail my a maths test. mum's gonna wonder why. my tuition teacher will strangle me. dunno why also. didn't know how to do almost all the questions on the paper. didn't understand what the heck it was asking me la. crap.

was on my way to tuition when i stopped to play with a cat. idiotic students from ftps came with their water bottles pretending they were some police special force and ordered me to surrender. naturally, i ignored such idiots. but they came closer and one of them kicked me and poked me with his water bottle. if it weren't cos i was in school u and cos i didn't know them i would have given them a tight slap and a fist. wth. then they took stones and threw at the cat. ROAR! i could have roAREd at them i tell u. but then again, my courage failed me and i left.

i'm such an idiot. can never stand up for what is right. even in school. people keep cutting my queue and yet i can never stop them. RAH. annoyed ass.

then after tuition took a bus home. felt something weird in my shoe, but thot it was just some part of my sole that came off or smth. but as i walked towards home it felt mushy and all. so i was like crap. dun tell me it's a cockroach. cannot be la. anyway, was quite grossed out so i crossed my fingers and took off my shoe. only to see my socks mushed with weird brown stuff. was like craP...no way. then i saw legs of a roach. noooooooo...shooik my shoe and out came a crushed cockroach. LIKE shit crAP i tell u. was cursing like mad. felt so grossed out i wanted to puke on the spot. oh gross. YUCK!

issue 2;my walk with God

it kinda is going downhill, such that i'm wondering once again whether i love him.
looking at the people in church, sometimes i admire them for having such faith and all. and i wish i could be like them, loving God so much.

some call me the spiritual leader. but i don't think i'm even fit for that title. i don't even dare to pray out loud in public. and when i pray prayers that are long cos there's so many things to pray about, it feels as though i'm like babbling rubbish that God doesn't want to hear. as a christian, i shouldn't be afraid of demons or evil sprits and all, but my mind keeps thinking of such stuff. esp when i try to get back to God. it's scary. like i try closing my eyes. but everytime i do so i see many of those funny things around. and when i open them i keep hallucinating that they are there. it's scary. and i dunno which part of the bible to turn to. all i can do is to cry out to God. hiaz.

thank God for planet shakers. at least their music offer me some hope and they help me express how i feel. God bless them.

issue 3; what the hell do my dreams mean??
i've been having weird dreams. it all started the day after easter.

first dream: was in a war. it was a huge one. i was running around fighting for my dear life with other kids. some older, some younger. and guess what?? i had to take care of them. that was ok i supposed. since i didn't really do much of my job. but i remembered very clearly that i knew no one around me. just running aimlessly. and yet, the people around could be te enemies who were out to kill all of us. i remember being shot in the back, in the front, at my face. i remember feeling blood all over my face. yet it was no pain. weird. i woke up panting. what do u expect??? i've been running the whole night.

second dream: back to life :S

ok. was in this weird multi-storey carpark and savie, delle and some other people were there switching the powers for the carpark or smth. then we realised that there was something wrong and if we din turn the powers off the place was going to explode. so all of us ran in all directions, switching off everything we could find. but when we got back to one place the weird sound still din stop and we realised we forgot about one switch and there was almost no time left. then i noticed the main switch. unfortunately, it was protected by this layer of hard glass. so i took my gun (i had no idea how it appeared) and threw it at the glass. but apparently the glass was too thick and it wouldn't break. then i saw another box with this great heavy metal thingy. it's supposed to be attached to your gun to make it shots more powerful. plus, it's heavier, so i thot it could break the glass. anyway, i got that thingy out and i managed to break the glass of the main switch and switch it off.

was fiddling with the gun when it went off and i accidentally killed my junior. anyway, i was staring in shock at her body and savie and delle came around me and said i shouldn't have done that. and i told them i didn't mean to do it. they started saying i was evil and all. next thing i know, the body was gone, and there was the chalk outline thingy u see in shows after they take the body away. anyway, delle, savie and some other people started drawing the details of the outline. the eyes, etc. and they started colouring it. as i stared in disbelief and shock i saw the eyes move to stare at me. stare with so much hatred and mischief. as if it was out to get my life. i was so damn freaked out. told those colouring to stop and look, but they didn't believe me. it was hard trying to convince them. it looked as though they were possessed or smth. and when they finally realised she was alive, they looked pleased with themselves and pulled her up the ground. she was like this 2d image. flat and drawing like. and slowly she became like a normal person. only with weird coloured eyes (one range and blue thanx to those who were colouring her) and she was all grey and cold. and then i woke up after some other stuff.

i got really freaked out by that dream. couldn't go to the toilet or be alone somewhere and everytime i close my eyes i would be too afraid to open them again.

too lazy to type out each dream. anyway, the next few ones i was like in the army or some battle. and guess who i was with???? all 3 dreams i was with my cg. it;s weird. first was when we were at some chalet thingy. then someone had spiritual attack or smth. then there were demons all over the place and we were trying to get rid of them. it was quite scary. considering the fact that i'm not very strong in my faith and neither can i speak in tongues. anyway, the next was we were having some gathering and i had to book out of army. weird. anyway, another one was we were at some chalet place again. except the place was very run down, and we were collecting our stuff for a battle or smth. i dunno what, but we had t get stuff like guns and all. dun ask me why. i have a weird brain. perhaps it still thinks i'm a guy or smth.

yf sentosa outing

ran my 2.4km in the morn at RJC.school is so big, by the time i reached the track i was tired already. ya, that's how unhealthy/unfit i am. heh.in fact, i am SOOOOOOO happy that i managed to pass. stupid feller who created PFT should DIE.i almost died running the 6 rounds. in fact, i tried all means and ways to distract myself from the fact that i'm tired. let me list down the stupid stuff i did to keep myself going:

1) sang in my head: "just keep running running running what do u do you run...'
2) sang in my head: "and i will run the race, till i see your face"
3) tried "line tracing" like a robot on the lines of the track. ho ho
4) calculating the number of rounds i have left and the possibility of me passing the run
5) pretending i'm trying to talk to and reason with someone about certain things
6) screaming away in my head "God...HELP ME!!!!!!"
7) enjoying the scenery around me. which wasn't very helpful cos there was barely any.
8) pretend i was sleep running by running with my eyes closed

anyway, went to sentosa for yf outing after that. i hate going out to meet people at some place i'm unfamiliar of. Eg. SENTOSA. i was like CRAP, wth is the beach line. and i finally realised what it was when i saw the bus lines. anyway,i was sitting on the bus counting the stops to which i was to alight when i arrived at the first stop of siloso beach. and guess what i saw?? Sakae sushi! and i was thinking to myself. hmmm..perhaps they are there. then again...NAH. it's too expensive. besides. it's not a bar. plus. it's the first stop, not the last stop. so ok...let's continue to enjoy the air con...chug chug chug...onto the last stop of siloso beach. delifrance???? NO WAY!!!! nvm. checked that out anyway. but no. they weren't there. and then. i was told that they were at sakae sushi. at that point of time, i realised i should have listened to my sixth sense. AGAIN. i never learn from my mistakes. RARH.

i walked all the way and finally reached sakae sushi. imagine. that short distance made me tanner. so fast. talk about darker colours absorb heat faster. YEAH MAN! i didn't dare eat anything there cos of the price. if i ever go to such places, it'll be with my mum. heh. so i just ordered a pepsi (cos they had no coke. OH THE hORRORS!!!) and gave the excuse that oh i'm too tired to be hungry. what a lousy excuse. but i persevered anyway. besides, i was happy with my nice cold pepsi. it was interesting listening to girl talk. very interesting indeed. but not my type unfortunately. i felt as if i was watching an american show. cooL. (can u tell my shift key ain't working properly?/ thazz why some letters are capital out of nowhere0

worship was quite dead, but i liked the song that pastor dave taught us. pastor dave is so cool. haha. i forgot to bring my bible(so THAT'S what i forgot!!!). so i kinda was bible-less for reflections but amy was sweet and lent hers to me. but she gave me the tsk tsk naughty little girl look. HEH. PAI SEY =|

i reflected on the passage and somehow it didn't speak to me. until i read it over and over again and i was reminded by the fact that i've been putting my studies in front of God, neglecting Him time and time again. as i read on, i felt damn sad. sad about the fact that these people turned against God and strayed away from Him. weird. i never felt that way when i read the bible with such stuff.

after cg time, we had games. lo and behold. surprise surprise. amazing race. it was pretty boring. considering the fact that i was together with 2 sec 1s which i totally do not know, plus angel, whom i dun even tok to much. anyway, i finally realised that many people do not go to any attractions in sentosa. they just go there for the beach and other free attractions. it was so hard collecting ticket stubs for attractions from people there. all the attractions seemed to become non-existant in sentosa cos so many people din go there.

anyway, we din manage to finish 1 station cos we couldn't find the place. went back to the beach and we were free to slack. was surprised that there were no wet games. that's not a typical yf beach outing. but nvm. i din plan on getting wet in the first place. was really bored. let's see. amy was talking to either nicole or christina, liz, sarah and deb were i dunno where. so i basically just plopped myself down on the sand and stoned. now and then, i would find someone to tok to. but guess what???? all were like more than 7 years older than me. HAH. think the only meaningful conversation i had was with joel nah.

did some bimbo "wadeva" to sarah and the rest of the grp were just so amazed. haha. actually, i can act very bimbo. dun believe ask my arc girls. they get highly annoyed. it's just a matter of whether i want to do so or not. it's very brain degenerating. haha.

left the beach together with liz, amy, christina, sarah, yu jin and some other person who i dun even noe. we went to cine for dinner and shopping, which i obviously didn't join. not that i didn't want to, i dun like shopping, but i find it highly interesting to watch such girls interact among themselves. =) but too bad mum wanted me home early. bah. for all i know i could pick up fashion tips or how i should even dress like a girl. the horrors of being a girl. guy clothes are so much cooler. and they have minimum choice. which is better. considering the fact that i am one who can't make up my mind easily. oh well.

guess WHAT?!?!?!? my uncle accepted christ that day at riverlife church. COOL Eh?? and he told me that my neice saw my dead grandma in heaven as well. considering the fact that she's only 6 and has never learnt anything about how heaven is like cos she only been to church once. it sounds really real cos she was so insistent on the fact that grandma was well and alive with bright light surrounding her. in fact. she was highly annopyed when my aunt doubted her. haha. what a cute little child. i feel like adopting her. i miss her so much. sniff. finally. my first young relative that i really want to take care of. hoho. she should feel real special considering the fact that i dun like kids.

panic alert button has busted

wilkie tan often says that our panic alert button will start flashing once we see that we din score for our mid years.

however, i think my panic alert button has gone off since january this year.

and guess what???? i think my panic alert button just entered the HIGH VOLTAGE ZONE..and it went POP. think i'm gonna explode and die of stress soon...ahhhhh