birthday girl charlene

blogger would not allow me to post up a print screen of my email account. DANG.

i'm telling u. the only thing that is making me stressed about PW is the teacher. She has sent me almost 30 emails (or even more) regarding PW. URGHZ. not to mention the numerous SMSes as well. i honestly believe she has connections with the communication hub or smth. URGHz.

anyway. we held a surprise birthday party for Charlene. went to Rach's church to decorate the place with balloons and guess what?!?!? today, i found out that i can actually successfully blow balloons. =D i'm so happy. i was NEVER EVER able to do so ok. so imagine the surprise i had when i found i could blow not 1,2,3,4 but 5 BALLOONS =) boy am i proud of myself.

once we were done decorating the place, we were just fooling around, me pretending to be a DJ/ emcee. haha. so fun =) and i learnt abit of drums from esther =)

apart from photoshop, this was the only thing that i've learnt fast. hahahaha. i never felt so good about myself in such a long time. to know i'm good at something. i have FINALLY started learning the drums. always wanted to do that for the longest time ever.

we fooled around in the room with the mike though, with me entertaining them. hahaha. charlene brings out the insane animal in me i'm telling u. i'm usually nice and quiet and sane. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. yar right..i don't even believe myself. i'm so catching on their egoistic disease fast. laaaaaaaaddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddaaaaaaaaa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE!!!!
hope u enjoyed what we did :)

donut

life without Jesus
is like a donut
like a donut
like a donut

life without Jesus
is like a donut.
cos there's a hole in the middle of your heart.

_____________________________________

i feel lke an absolute donut with a HUGE GIANTIC HOLE i'm practically more like an onion ring then a donut.

i've lost my momentum in this relationship i share with God and now i;m back to square one again. why? simply because i neglected God because i was busy with my work, PW, exams etc etc. i feel bad. especially when He keeps blessing me when i don't deserve it.

it;s not as if i feel that God isn't by my side because i'm stuck in this dried-up pile of shit slopped on with peanut butter for extra stickyness because i;m in some mid/quarter life crisis. rather, things are going pretty well for me. but...somehow, there's THIS HUGE VACANT HOLE WITHIN ME AND NOTHING EXCEPT GOD CAN FILL IT. it's annoying. cos i somehow can't connect with God anymore and i leave my quiet times as empty as ever.

i don't ever remember feeling so empty before though. perhaps this was really what those non-christians mean by saying they needed to fill that emptiness within them. perhaps it's meant for me to go through this stage, to understand what they mean.

i need to sit down...and WAIT for God.

God. grant me the patience to wait for u until something happens

Father...don't leave me as a donut. make me a pau. filled with nice gooey YAM =)

testimony to God's grace

long overdue post:

i made it through promos....and NOW. i have another testimony to share.

it was really by God's grace that i actually managed to escape having to have a cup of tea/kopi/milo with the principal. nor do i have to worry about conditional promotion. and guess what?? i managed to scrape through promos with 36 rank points. which is just 1 mark above the promo grade. is that cool or what????

it's obviously not fantastic results, as anyone can guess, but i'm thankful nonetheless. simply because i knew with the amount of what i have prepared, i seriously deserve to be retained. somehow, this is another one of God's ways to show me that He has plans for me in SA. all these while, doubting and wondering if everything was just my imagination....now i know...it isn't.

here's my love message to people who have supported me all along this treacherous journey

1. Prissy (SFC)
Thanks for all the encouragements and advice that you gave to me that night over msn. As i sat behind my screen crying, you were there for me, giving me hope. yes. once again, God has used u to bring me through this tough time, to let me know that this is where He wants me to be, that He is faithful no matter how difficult and dire our circumstances are. Thank you. For all that you've given me, now i have the strength to do likewise to others. All the best for your As, and continue to spread this love and hope that God has given to you to others. =)

2. Yvonne Tan (IJTP)
HEY YVONNE! you're so far away from me, yet so near at the same time. Thanks for your smses during this period of exams, often giving me hope from God through your words. Even though we're hardly keeping in touch, i thank God for giving me you. You're really a very good friend who takes initiative to contact others, to encourage others and all. Thank you yvonne. =)

3. Yvonne Eng (SFC)
VONN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for being such a great senior to me. I really thank God for letting me know you. it seems that God has placed you in SA to keep me going in SA and stop me from transferring to poly at the end of J1. God has shown me that just as how He has brought u through JC life, likewise, He will bring me through it. Thanks for constantly being a reminder of the faithfulness of God. i really miss u loads. **sniff** Continue spreading God's joy whereever u go =)

4. SFC, Esther, Deborah, Kee Wei, Lynette, Rachel, Yinxi & the rest of the class
Thanks for your encouragements, help in studies, pushing me on to not give up. i've never felt such a strong support before. and i really really treasure this class. pity it's only a sad short 2 years.

5. Teachers
Thanks for sacrificing all that time for consultations, counselling, study advice etc etc. thanks for being such dedicated teachers even though my results didn't pay off. Thanks for always believing in me, encouraging and keeping a look out for me all the time. thanks =)

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I HATE PW. urghz. i can't wait for it all to be overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. -__-

sniff

time flies.

i'm going to miss the seniors :'(

God, please help me cut my 7000++ almost 8000 WR to 3000. sigh.....

art is cool =)

went for the Singapore Biennale today. haha. i basically crashed with the h2 lit, KI and art students. hahahaha. was the only h1 lit student there. i supposed after all that years of AEP i did miss the good old times of admiring art works. back in those days, i never appreciated it. in fact, i hated going for such exhibitions, seeing it more of a waste of time than anything els in the world. so i grabbed this opportunity to tag along with the school to see works of art =) boy..it was enjoyable.

i'm sure wilkie tan will be proud of me. i never really looked at art so intensely, analysing it, giving it my views, trying to understand what it was all about, what the artist wanted to achieve..yada yada. i supposed me not taking art now is a blessing in disguise, for i've finally learnt to appreciate art once again =) more so, at a deeper level.

anyway, some works of art were really interesting, while some were down right scary and freaky, while some...we just did not understand at all. and yea. there were some that we didn't understand, but liked nonetheless.

hence, su hui and i have decided that together with the other brudders, we will go and appreciate art. this time, it won't be stressful because i won't have mr casey leong, ms k, ms chua near me =) but then again, ms k was really nice to me. haha. but i still need to do the H2 lit homework for this excursion nonetheless. but it's ok. i had a fun time. though energy sapping and tiring.

art is cool =)

God's mercy

i've always loved it when the exams are over.

ok. so i'm definitely not going to pass all my papers, but i still want to thank God for giving me undeserved mercy. especially for my bio, in which i knew if i did badly again i might just get killed by ms de silva. she's just...SCARY.

anyway, the bio paper went smoothly, even if i didn't manage to finish the paper. at least this time i feel at peace with what i've done. or rather. what God has done. i never felt so grateful, and i've finally felt it with my heart, His mercy and grace.

no doubt His death of the cross is the greatest amount of mercy and grace given to all of us, but being born and bred in a christian famiy, i soon grew numb to this, accepting this only as a fact, never understanding it. but if such a small thing such as help in the exams when i least deserved it seemed so great. imagine how much greater it is when i finally understand this mercy that was shed on the cross.

Thank you God.

anyway, the haze is bad. i feel like i'm acting in some spooky ghost show everytime i walk down the street when the sun has set. everything is so smoky. just like how there's always mist everywhere when a ghost is about to appear. hahaha. whatever. the smoke is annoying. and it's not helping that annoying little kids are still playing with sparklers and all adding to the bad enough polluted air that we breathe.

"this **hack** is the **COUGH COUGH** air **WHEEZE** i **GASP** breathe...."