oh man. i just realised that i haven't bloged in one week!!!
i can't believe it. that is superbly abnormal for me. then again, the past week has been a mad week and i'm super tired, drained and all. Still, God has been good and in the midst of all that almost giving up JC to poly at the end of this year feelings were all removed because of what God told me during the week.
i was really irritated at school and i honestly have never detested school so much in my entire life. the only thing that i couldn't bear to leave was the strong christian atmosphere in school, the morning worship and all that fellowship and love that i experienced in SFC. i really felt like crap and there was one day in the entire week that i kept crying out to God to get me out of it. i kept asking Him if it were real that His plans were really for me to be in SA. and guess what i felt the Holy Spirit saying to me??
it might be my imagination or smth, but at that point of time, as i crossed the road, i felt God telling me that being in SA was truly part of His plan. BUT, he doesn't want me to be so unhappy where i am, and He was willing to let me go to poly where i think i may be happier. i was so touched by that. at that point of time i finally managed to feel God's love. His great love for me such that He was willing to let me go the way i want. i was really thankful to God for showing me His love, yet at the same time, i knew God's plans for me are always the best for me, and i decided to hang in there because i know, He has something in stored for me. though i was more or less no longer falling off that edge of the cliff, i still wasn't very firm. the next day during my QT, God spoke again, and this time, He told me not to give up. to press on. and the one thing that hit me was this sentence: "Don't give up, because God never gave up on you." isn't that amazing? all the things i've done in my entire life is enough to make anyone hate me, especially if i unleash al my anger and hatred and rebellion all at one go (which i haven;t done). yet, no matter what i've done in my life, God never gave up on me, and He continued to seek me and stay by my side. you know...there's this song that has this part: "nothing you can do, could make Him love you more, and nothing that you've done, could make Him close the door..." i never really understood what that meant until that day. the reason why there's nothing that could make God love us more is because He has ALREADY loved us so much, that there's nothing left to make it more. to summarise, the amount of love has already reached the maximum limit. =)
_______________________
stepping down ceremony took place today. i'm really sad to see the J2s leave. SFC will be so much quieter withot them. no more fellow shortie vonn, no more funny and handsome caleb and chaos, no more caring and loving prissy, no more teddy bear owner huiru, no more nicola as cell grp leader, and so many many many more............................boooo.....
i'm so sad that i couldn;t stay behind to take photos with the seniors because i had to rush off for OCIP camp. =((((((
OCIP camp was a boot camp. i never felt so tortured both physically and mentally before.
i knew i should have followed that gut feeling of mine (may be from God, not sure) and not submit the OCIP registration form. URGHZ. i paid for it now by going for the stupid boot camp.
we got scolding for almost every single thing we did. right from the beginning of the camp. while waiting for the organisers of the camp to start, naturally us campers would be talking to one another to know our group members better and all. but we got scolded for that. i mean, it's not as though we were talking while u were talking, nor were u waiting for us because u guys were doing your own things!!! oh man.
basically, we got scolded for alot of things. even things that were so ridiculous both su hui and i really wanted to leave the camp. i didn't see a point in staying for the camp or even going for the OCIP trip if all the seniors themselves showed no love/compassion or whatever human feelings.
we had to pick beans once again, just that we were given a selected amount of different types of beans to pick from the grass patch with only 2 miserable torch lights for oe group of 13 people. they scolded us for being inefficient and not being together as a group. my group was given 50 barley seeds and 100 red beans, which were then doubled because of our incompetency and inefficiency and lack of urgency. -___- they kept scolding us and scolding us. i never felt so put down in my entire life. i don't know, but how else can you increase your efficiency when all u have us just 2 torches, cannot spit up and not allowed to trade/exchange with one another's groups (other groups had to find other beans)? my group managed to gather 100 barley seeds, and 107 red beans. 93 red beans away. they said it was better than the rest, but could be done even better. URGHZ. and we were punished with more pumping.
at the end of the day, my arms were like jello, considering how i had to do 75 push-ups and one shot followed by more pumping which added up to more than 100 over push-ups all in less than half a day =(
i was actually surprised that they allowed us to sleep. su hui and i are really close man. we even woke up at the same time because we needed to pee and we nearly got a scolding from the seniors for not sleeping. thank goodness we managed to explain to them because they were already on the verge on not giving us a chance to explain ourselves. i wasn't really able to sleep, as i laid there on the floor thinking about what i've been through for the day and i really missed SFC. there was just such a great difference in the way God's family worked and how the world worked. in SFC, they cared about us and made sure we were ok, but in the OCIP camp all they cared about was getting the task done. =( i really wanted to cry thinking about SFC.
anyway, i was totally wrong about the being able to sleep because they woke us up at 2 am banging on the doors like mad people and screaming fire drill. they pumped us even more because some of us forgot to bring down our 1.5 litres bottle and our egg (we were given an egg to take care of -___-) and our identities. who will remember to take all these when there's really a fire???? in nursery and primary school, we were taught to just run for your life and not care about your belongings when there's a fire!!! anyway, we got sent back to our rooms to sleep -___- you might as well keep us awake. anyway, we were awoken again to the same fire drill at about 4 am i think. and this time they sent us back to the room to pack our bags and all for a night trek. we walked from potong pasir to bishan park whereby along the way, we had activities to do, such as a crab walk, counting the trees in that area (which amounted to 71), and broken telephone. it was more of a jog rather, simply because the leading had to be such a pain by walking so fast. not to forget we had to protect our eggs -___- we walked till the sun rose at 6/7 plus??? and got to eat breakfast after that.
the station games were finally fun, and our station masters were pretty nice, compared to the core camp comm. of course, the fun was short lived and we had to clean the cafe. they kept shouting at us non-stop, screaming at us to scrub harder until the cafe looked as clean as when we first stepped onto the campus. the screamed at us for not scrubbing the table till it was spotless. we even had to remove black stains which were already in the table and impossible to remove. so long as the table didn't look new, we were screamed at. they screamed at us for not giving a helping hand to those scrubbing the floor when we were given insufficient mops and brushes for the floor. my GL was nice. He told me i was going a good job and if i really couldn;t get the stains off, i could just leave it. i continued scrubbing another table and next thing i know, another j2 screamed at me to get that previous stained scrubbed off. arghz. they just screamed at us for every single reason they could find.
after all that physical work and all of us were so tired, we were made to run an endurance run. AHHHHHHHH. yes. for someone like me who does no physical exercise, has never joined a sports CCA for a reason and tries to keep PE as slack as possible, i seriously knew i wasnt able to make it through. i'm thankful though, for Suhui, my group members, and especially jia hui and rachel for running with me and giving me the strength to carry on. it was because of those 2 that all 3 of us managed to finish the endurance run. many thanks to Eliza as well, for holding on to me as we had to increase our pace to catch up with the group just so we could stop running. without her, i might have just collaspe and died and given up running just at the last lap.
i'm proud to say, that at the end of the camp, my egg didn't break until lunch(we were supposed to cook it), i didn't forget to bring anything, i survived all that pumping, and i completed the endurance run =))))) all glory goes to God, for giving me strength, and the group members and friends that kept me going. =)
and now...i'm aching all over.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
j2s appreciation party
j2s had their farewell party yesterday. actually. i wouldn't see it as a farewell simply because i know they'll still be with us whether or not they're still in SAJC. we're all one family yes???
the farewell went really well, all glory goes to God =) to think eunice, rachel and i all had that stinking bad feeling that something would go wrong. haha. the food came on time, we had enough money after all, gifts looked GREAT, worship and feet washing was great, but most importantly, God was there =)
i never had such a memorable farewell before, even though it wasn't for me. all these while, whenever we say farewell party, we think about games to organise and all, but never to make it meaningful and memorable. i was afraid that the seniors would find the farewell boring without games, and i was really quite scared when nic asked if we were playing games. yet, every worry and fear faded away when the feet washing started.
that day, i managed to be in the shoes of both Jesus and Paul - the washer and the washed. it wasn't planned to be like that. it was the J2s special day. we were supposed to wash their feet. yet, things took a special turn. Anna paired up with rachel, and insisted that she washed rachel's feet first. i was so touched by her that i almost cried. the entire scene of every j1 and j2 humbling themselves to wash one another's feet and praying for one another was just amazing. i could feel the love coming out of every single person it was just so overwhelming. the best i ever felt of God's love. when val and soph came up to me and offered to wash my feet, i wanted to cry. i was really really really touched. i could finally understand how Peter felt when he didn't want to allow Jesus to wash his feet. the sight of everyone worshipping God, praying for one another. man. i will never forget that scene. so peaceful, so happy, i could practically see the face of God shining and smiling down on us. i still cannot find a word suitable to describe the entire process.
God's presence was there. and because of His presence, everything was way better than we expected. thank you SFC, for showing me what it truly means to be a family in Christ. what it means to really love one another. i have never been prayed for by so many people. never have i voluntarily pray for others. As i went around praying with others, my prayer changed. i stopped stuttering and i stopped becoming aware of what people were paying attention to me. the words that i spoke were different, and my prayers were strong powerful ones. i'm happy to be prayed for, but even more delighted, to pray with the fellow J1s, especially eunice, where we dedicated things to the Lord and asked Him to bless SFC, SAJC, to lead us and to guide us, whatever it is, we gave to the Lord.
i can really see that the Lord has placed us all into the different positions He wanted us to be in. and i can say, with absolutely no doubt at all, that i am in the right place, at the right time =) with my horrible results, many would say it would be stupid for me to remain in SAJC. that i should stop JC and switch to a poly instead. my parents are supportive of me doing so. in fact, sometimes that encourage me to do so, and whenever i receive the bad results, i start to doubt if God really wanted me in SA. i knew at that point during the farewell, that i was at the right place. God reaffirmed what i felt today during today's sermon.
1 Cor :17 "Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there."
it was actually for missions, but it struck me right there and then, about my being in SAJC. i' m thankful for the bible. for the many promises that God gives to me. if i kept highlighting the important verses in the bible, the entire bible will be highlighted =) i remember how after i finally came back to God in Sec 4 and told Him i wanted to grow but didn;t know how to, He gave me this verse from 1 Cor 3:6 "....but God made it grow." and He kept to His promise. He guided me and laid out the path for me to walk. from my being in CHIJ, to being in ARC, then being in SAJC for the first three months, to being in SAJC now, and SFC too. because of what He has done, His grace and mercies, i have this relationship that i share with Him.
i was doing my QT today, and it was on problems and all. it was an all so familiar thing, about how the people that God has chosen will not be exempted from trials and suffering. but what struck me was about knowing that following God isn't an easy task, one that is full of trials and suffering. and whenever u encounter such trials, treat it as a reminder that shows that u are on the right path =) COOL EH?????
ANYWAY. back to the farewell party. i hope the seniors had a great time, and i hope that the farewell was definitely a memorable one. i'm happy they liked the gifts =) the only thing i'm sad about the farewell is that not everyone was able to attend it =(
I LOVE YOU SENIORS AND FELLOW SFC MEMBERS!!!!!!!!!
the farewell went really well, all glory goes to God =) to think eunice, rachel and i all had that stinking bad feeling that something would go wrong. haha. the food came on time, we had enough money after all, gifts looked GREAT, worship and feet washing was great, but most importantly, God was there =)
i never had such a memorable farewell before, even though it wasn't for me. all these while, whenever we say farewell party, we think about games to organise and all, but never to make it meaningful and memorable. i was afraid that the seniors would find the farewell boring without games, and i was really quite scared when nic asked if we were playing games. yet, every worry and fear faded away when the feet washing started.
that day, i managed to be in the shoes of both Jesus and Paul - the washer and the washed. it wasn't planned to be like that. it was the J2s special day. we were supposed to wash their feet. yet, things took a special turn. Anna paired up with rachel, and insisted that she washed rachel's feet first. i was so touched by her that i almost cried. the entire scene of every j1 and j2 humbling themselves to wash one another's feet and praying for one another was just amazing. i could feel the love coming out of every single person it was just so overwhelming. the best i ever felt of God's love. when val and soph came up to me and offered to wash my feet, i wanted to cry. i was really really really touched. i could finally understand how Peter felt when he didn't want to allow Jesus to wash his feet. the sight of everyone worshipping God, praying for one another. man. i will never forget that scene. so peaceful, so happy, i could practically see the face of God shining and smiling down on us. i still cannot find a word suitable to describe the entire process.
God's presence was there. and because of His presence, everything was way better than we expected. thank you SFC, for showing me what it truly means to be a family in Christ. what it means to really love one another. i have never been prayed for by so many people. never have i voluntarily pray for others. As i went around praying with others, my prayer changed. i stopped stuttering and i stopped becoming aware of what people were paying attention to me. the words that i spoke were different, and my prayers were strong powerful ones. i'm happy to be prayed for, but even more delighted, to pray with the fellow J1s, especially eunice, where we dedicated things to the Lord and asked Him to bless SFC, SAJC, to lead us and to guide us, whatever it is, we gave to the Lord.
i can really see that the Lord has placed us all into the different positions He wanted us to be in. and i can say, with absolutely no doubt at all, that i am in the right place, at the right time =) with my horrible results, many would say it would be stupid for me to remain in SAJC. that i should stop JC and switch to a poly instead. my parents are supportive of me doing so. in fact, sometimes that encourage me to do so, and whenever i receive the bad results, i start to doubt if God really wanted me in SA. i knew at that point during the farewell, that i was at the right place. God reaffirmed what i felt today during today's sermon.
1 Cor :17 "Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there."
it was actually for missions, but it struck me right there and then, about my being in SAJC. i' m thankful for the bible. for the many promises that God gives to me. if i kept highlighting the important verses in the bible, the entire bible will be highlighted =) i remember how after i finally came back to God in Sec 4 and told Him i wanted to grow but didn;t know how to, He gave me this verse from 1 Cor 3:6 "....but God made it grow." and He kept to His promise. He guided me and laid out the path for me to walk. from my being in CHIJ, to being in ARC, then being in SAJC for the first three months, to being in SAJC now, and SFC too. because of what He has done, His grace and mercies, i have this relationship that i share with Him.
i was doing my QT today, and it was on problems and all. it was an all so familiar thing, about how the people that God has chosen will not be exempted from trials and suffering. but what struck me was about knowing that following God isn't an easy task, one that is full of trials and suffering. and whenever u encounter such trials, treat it as a reminder that shows that u are on the right path =) COOL EH?????
ANYWAY. back to the farewell party. i hope the seniors had a great time, and i hope that the farewell was definitely a memorable one. i'm happy they liked the gifts =) the only thing i'm sad about the farewell is that not everyone was able to attend it =(
I LOVE YOU SENIORS AND FELLOW SFC MEMBERS!!!!!!!!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
tired
arghz. my studies are hopeless. i know nuts about chem and i keep zonking out during lectures. arghz. i'm not designed to study.
in a way, i'm sick of school. i'm so tired of waking up early, trying to understand lectures, struggle through the yucky tutorials. i try to put in my best. the key word is try. and i know i'm not. gee..i'm hopeless.
the ARC blog has finally been updated. man. i dunno, i'm hearing different things from everywhere. some say arc's not in good shape, while others say that the juniors are better than the seniors. which is real good. i reckon i made a really bad pres for ARC. in a way...i could never forgive myself about letting my head get the better of me. i got so scared of stuff that i never confronted it but rather, just ran away.
i suppose it was a big lesson for me to learn about what leadership was all about. my brudders in arc insisted that i was a great leader, but i know myself better. i remember dedicating that position to God, but i started to depend on myself more and more and it all went down from there. arghz. it's all but bad memories, all that leadership. i feel like crap just thinking about it.
i'm really tempted to pon school. but can't. been having SPA and other a level stuffies and meetings. if only i could just go to school for activities. non-examinable stuff that will kill your brain cells.
on a happier tone, i'm getting a step closer to going for OCIP =) now...to get past the selection camp...
in a way, i'm sick of school. i'm so tired of waking up early, trying to understand lectures, struggle through the yucky tutorials. i try to put in my best. the key word is try. and i know i'm not. gee..i'm hopeless.
the ARC blog has finally been updated. man. i dunno, i'm hearing different things from everywhere. some say arc's not in good shape, while others say that the juniors are better than the seniors. which is real good. i reckon i made a really bad pres for ARC. in a way...i could never forgive myself about letting my head get the better of me. i got so scared of stuff that i never confronted it but rather, just ran away.
i suppose it was a big lesson for me to learn about what leadership was all about. my brudders in arc insisted that i was a great leader, but i know myself better. i remember dedicating that position to God, but i started to depend on myself more and more and it all went down from there. arghz. it's all but bad memories, all that leadership. i feel like crap just thinking about it.
i'm really tempted to pon school. but can't. been having SPA and other a level stuffies and meetings. if only i could just go to school for activities. non-examinable stuff that will kill your brain cells.
on a happier tone, i'm getting a step closer to going for OCIP =) now...to get past the selection camp...
Sunday, July 16, 2006
constipated
this is how i feel right now. i;m up to the neck..no...buried in things to do. it's not because i'm short so i'm easily buried. i shud seriously stop procrastinating. this is what happens when u dun Thursday, July 13, 2006
life's good when there are friends
hm..God finally answered my prayers and for the first time in quite a long while, i had a fruitful QT. =)))
i realised today that the reason to why i felt my life didn't glorify God was because i don't think before i do anything or say anything. especially when it comes to my tongue. i'm super blunt, and most of the time i don't mean what i say. i usually say hurtful things when i'm playful or when i'm irritated. more often that not, i think only after i speak. of course, it's too late and often i continue on with life with that guilt in me, and i not only make myself unhappy, but i hurt others and God, and i tarnish the reputation of Christians =(
so you see. my horridness of my days and how i behaved made me decide not to blog because i was so ashamed and i didn't want to put up a fake front.
anyway, life's been much better now =)
we finally found out who are the exco members of SFC. it's not confirmed yet, but still. i'm happy. we went out for dinner together. ok. not all of us did, but still, it's a start to great bonds (covalent or ionic. whatever. whichever is stronger. haha. my chem sucks) between all of us and an...i really look forward to this formation of this BIG FAMILY =)))
i'm really humbled to be in the exco. regardless of position, what the seniors told jonathan was right. being chosen is really humbling. meeting canon benson was amazing. i mean, imagine being part of God's plan of a great work in your school???? Exciting and amazing right??? it's totally different from how it was in ARC. seeing how we commit every single thing to God, no matter how big or how small, how we really care for one another like how we prayed for rachel during sc commendation rehearsal. i'm just really thankful to God for showing me what it really means by God's family.
apart from this newfound family of J1s and J2s, i'm thankful to my brudders who has been with me all these while =) it's been a long time since we last got together and we finally had a gathering. ok. not all of us, just 4 out of 7, but better than nothing. it's weird how although su hui and i are in the same sch, we barely see one another. anyway, it was really great just telling one another what's been going on and sharing with one another. i've never laughed so much in a long time. i miss talking and laughing at almost every single thing we say. man. i really miss the lame environment. shared with them about my plans and all, and they offered good advice.
you know, i realised that all my life, i never had a best friend. the only person i could really be open and honest with is God. still, i'm satisfied with the friends that i have =)
there u go caleb =) updated. haha
i realised today that the reason to why i felt my life didn't glorify God was because i don't think before i do anything or say anything. especially when it comes to my tongue. i'm super blunt, and most of the time i don't mean what i say. i usually say hurtful things when i'm playful or when i'm irritated. more often that not, i think only after i speak. of course, it's too late and often i continue on with life with that guilt in me, and i not only make myself unhappy, but i hurt others and God, and i tarnish the reputation of Christians =(
so you see. my horridness of my days and how i behaved made me decide not to blog because i was so ashamed and i didn't want to put up a fake front.
anyway, life's been much better now =)
we finally found out who are the exco members of SFC. it's not confirmed yet, but still. i'm happy. we went out for dinner together. ok. not all of us did, but still, it's a start to great bonds (covalent or ionic. whatever. whichever is stronger. haha. my chem sucks) between all of us and an...i really look forward to this formation of this BIG FAMILY =)))
i'm really humbled to be in the exco. regardless of position, what the seniors told jonathan was right. being chosen is really humbling. meeting canon benson was amazing. i mean, imagine being part of God's plan of a great work in your school???? Exciting and amazing right??? it's totally different from how it was in ARC. seeing how we commit every single thing to God, no matter how big or how small, how we really care for one another like how we prayed for rachel during sc commendation rehearsal. i'm just really thankful to God for showing me what it really means by God's family.
apart from this newfound family of J1s and J2s, i'm thankful to my brudders who has been with me all these while =) it's been a long time since we last got together and we finally had a gathering. ok. not all of us, just 4 out of 7, but better than nothing. it's weird how although su hui and i are in the same sch, we barely see one another. anyway, it was really great just telling one another what's been going on and sharing with one another. i've never laughed so much in a long time. i miss talking and laughing at almost every single thing we say. man. i really miss the lame environment. shared with them about my plans and all, and they offered good advice.
you know, i realised that all my life, i never had a best friend. the only person i could really be open and honest with is God. still, i'm satisfied with the friends that i have =)
there u go caleb =) updated. haha
Monday, July 10, 2006
world cup finals and maths torture
I CAN'T BELIEVE FRANCE LOST THE WORLD CUP!!!
ok. i can. everyone was saying that italy would win anyway. and as i was watching the match with my dad and bro, they too were supporting italy. how come i'm always the only one who supports another team =S i'm such a loner. boo.
zidane disappointed me. i always had this impression that this captain was a super good leader. he always looked calm no matter what the situation, always encouraged his players etc. he was just so nice. and he just had to ruin his image by giving an italy player a headbutt during the extra time. as a result? he got a red card and got sent off. you dodohead!!!!!!!!!! don't u know how much the team needs u for the penalthy shoots?!?!?!?!??!?! if zidane was playing...france could have won. URGHZ. i never felt so disappointed about the loss of a game. i felt like crying. so saddddddddddd....it was the last thing on my mind before i drifted off the dreamland and the first thing i thought of when i awoke from my deep slumber. sad. sad. sad. zidane....u just had to ruin it. WHY?!?!?!? thank goodness i didn;t bet with anyone. ah wellz.
on a happier note, my laptop can FINALLY tag on the flash tagboard again YIPEE which means can change my UGLY tagboard back to the SPIFFILY COOL FLASH TAGBOARD!!!!! WHOOTT!! and.... got an inspiration for a new layout too! butttt...i need time to do it. which obviously now isn't the time to do so. plus, i haven't figured out how it will look like.....hmmmzzzz....yay...i'm gonna start photoshopping soon....
now...only maths left....i hate the stuff we're learning now. everything seems so illogical i can't understand. i dun get their dumb theories...ARGHZ....DIE MATHS DIE!!!!!!!! back to the torture chamber of maths... =(
ok. i can. everyone was saying that italy would win anyway. and as i was watching the match with my dad and bro, they too were supporting italy. how come i'm always the only one who supports another team =S i'm such a loner. boo.
zidane disappointed me. i always had this impression that this captain was a super good leader. he always looked calm no matter what the situation, always encouraged his players etc. he was just so nice. and he just had to ruin his image by giving an italy player a headbutt during the extra time. as a result? he got a red card and got sent off. you dodohead!!!!!!!!!! don't u know how much the team needs u for the penalthy shoots?!?!?!?!??!?! if zidane was playing...france could have won. URGHZ. i never felt so disappointed about the loss of a game. i felt like crying. so saddddddddddd....it was the last thing on my mind before i drifted off the dreamland and the first thing i thought of when i awoke from my deep slumber. sad. sad. sad. zidane....u just had to ruin it. WHY?!?!?!? thank goodness i didn;t bet with anyone. ah wellz.
on a happier note, my laptop can FINALLY tag on the flash tagboard again YIPEE which means can change my UGLY tagboard back to the SPIFFILY COOL FLASH TAGBOARD!!!!! WHOOTT!! and.... got an inspiration for a new layout too! butttt...i need time to do it. which obviously now isn't the time to do so. plus, i haven't figured out how it will look like.....hmmmzzzz....yay...i'm gonna start photoshopping soon....
now...only maths left....i hate the stuff we're learning now. everything seems so illogical i can't understand. i dun get their dumb theories...ARGHZ....DIE MATHS DIE!!!!!!!! back to the torture chamber of maths... =(
Thursday, July 06, 2006
God has a plan for every single thing that happens
during my QT today, i learnt that trails and tribulations in life are all part of God's plans to mould us into who we are made to be. they aren't accidental, but rather, all designed specifically, right to the very nitty gritty details. to me, i knew that, especially since people often use that reason to encourage one another. it didn't really hit me nor did it really encourage me cos i wasn't or at least, i felt that i wasn't facing any crisis of anything, apart from the fact that it's been very discouraging for me doing my QT and not absorbing anything, yet when u "finish" ur QT session, you feel God asking u to come back, and when u do, nothing happens. i don't know why all that is happening, but somehow, i'm able to fully trust in God, reassured that He is in control of everything. =)
i just turned on the TV and the oprah winfrey show was on. ok. it's weird for a youth to watch that show, but i do like watching it cos it just shows how generous she is. the love that she has for people regardless of who they are, what status whatsoever. and the episode i was watching just now was on how a really tough trial in this woman's life actually spurred alot of people to live on and not give up on life. this woman's ex-husband apparently entered her house while everyone was sleeping, and killed all 4 of her children and then killed himself. it's really sad, especially when she was living to face the pain of losing her loved ones. even more so that her children are all innocent. somehow, she managed to face her pain and made the decision to live her life. she went on the oprah winfrey show and shared her story with viewers. apparently, on that very day, 16 and more people actually planned to end their life on that day, preparing things to leave behind for their loved ones, some even having researched on the best way to die. it's really sad, but guess what?? because of what she went through, she inspired people to continue living their life. 16 people wrote in to the show just to tell the woman how she had in a way, saved their lives and returned them to their families, giving them the strength to continue and all. i'm sure there were more people whose lives were changed because of her.
so you see. God uses our trials in life not just to mould us, but also for us to help others. =) next time when u face difficulties, trials and setbacks, remember what God can do through it =)
anyway, received this email from a friend and thought it was really nice and touching =)
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special pla ytime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people a nd to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
An Angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
i just turned on the TV and the oprah winfrey show was on. ok. it's weird for a youth to watch that show, but i do like watching it cos it just shows how generous she is. the love that she has for people regardless of who they are, what status whatsoever. and the episode i was watching just now was on how a really tough trial in this woman's life actually spurred alot of people to live on and not give up on life. this woman's ex-husband apparently entered her house while everyone was sleeping, and killed all 4 of her children and then killed himself. it's really sad, especially when she was living to face the pain of losing her loved ones. even more so that her children are all innocent. somehow, she managed to face her pain and made the decision to live her life. she went on the oprah winfrey show and shared her story with viewers. apparently, on that very day, 16 and more people actually planned to end their life on that day, preparing things to leave behind for their loved ones, some even having researched on the best way to die. it's really sad, but guess what?? because of what she went through, she inspired people to continue living their life. 16 people wrote in to the show just to tell the woman how she had in a way, saved their lives and returned them to their families, giving them the strength to continue and all. i'm sure there were more people whose lives were changed because of her.
so you see. God uses our trials in life not just to mould us, but also for us to help others. =) next time when u face difficulties, trials and setbacks, remember what God can do through it =)
anyway, received this email from a friend and thought it was really nice and touching =)
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special pla ytime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people a nd to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
An Angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
man. how can the germans be out of world cup?!?!?!?! what kind of cup is this?!??!?! crap man... =(
went to chill out and de-stress from all the CTs today with my class. they're really a bunch of retards that can be pretty embarassing. haha. but it's fun being with them. we wanted to watch "just my luck" after having lunch together at wisma, but we missed both shows at cine and lido. so we watched scary movie in the end. haha. i was quite afraid of wasting my money on it. haha. but God provides. apparently someone rich in the group was willing to treat me. HAHA. YAY! so i got to watch a crappy movie for free =)
scary movie 4 was really crappy, but i seriously think i was the only mad person beside pei hui who was laughing so madly. it's damn crap. no storyline whatsoever, and i realised that the same tricks keep repeating in every single scary movie. but it's still funny in a stupid way. had such a great laugh. heh.
went on walking aimlessly. i can't remember why, but we ended up at toy's r us and we stayed there for quite some time reliving our childhoods. man. had seriously loads of fun. the toys kids have now a days...tsk tsk. they sold those princess and fairy costumes and we were saying we could use those from prom. haha. imagine. all of us in barbie clothes...YEWWWWWWWWWWWW.
anyway, i read the sfc blog and it was bursting of new posts. it's so sad to know that the J2s are stepping down soon. SOB. they really bought alot of joy and love to SFC. i never felt so comfortable in my entire life, where i can interact with people so easily, to feel accepted without trying to do anything. i really admire how they're so close to one another, such that they can share all sorts of stuff with one another and help one another. arghz. i don;t know how to express myself. all i can say is that i really respect and admire my seniors. it's a pity we didn;t have much time to bond with u guys. but the time we spent together has been great. u guys really set a GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR ALL OF US =)
whatever it is, even after u guys step down, u'll still be up there as seniors and FAMILY members in SFC. you guys will always be part of us =) WE LOVE YOU <3333333
went to chill out and de-stress from all the CTs today with my class. they're really a bunch of retards that can be pretty embarassing. haha. but it's fun being with them. we wanted to watch "just my luck" after having lunch together at wisma, but we missed both shows at cine and lido. so we watched scary movie in the end. haha. i was quite afraid of wasting my money on it. haha. but God provides. apparently someone rich in the group was willing to treat me. HAHA. YAY! so i got to watch a crappy movie for free =)
scary movie 4 was really crappy, but i seriously think i was the only mad person beside pei hui who was laughing so madly. it's damn crap. no storyline whatsoever, and i realised that the same tricks keep repeating in every single scary movie. but it's still funny in a stupid way. had such a great laugh. heh.
went on walking aimlessly. i can't remember why, but we ended up at toy's r us and we stayed there for quite some time reliving our childhoods. man. had seriously loads of fun. the toys kids have now a days...tsk tsk. they sold those princess and fairy costumes and we were saying we could use those from prom. haha. imagine. all of us in barbie clothes...YEWWWWWWWWWWWW.
anyway, i read the sfc blog and it was bursting of new posts. it's so sad to know that the J2s are stepping down soon. SOB. they really bought alot of joy and love to SFC. i never felt so comfortable in my entire life, where i can interact with people so easily, to feel accepted without trying to do anything. i really admire how they're so close to one another, such that they can share all sorts of stuff with one another and help one another. arghz. i don;t know how to express myself. all i can say is that i really respect and admire my seniors. it's a pity we didn;t have much time to bond with u guys. but the time we spent together has been great. u guys really set a GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR ALL OF US =)
whatever it is, even after u guys step down, u'll still be up there as seniors and FAMILY members in SFC. you guys will always be part of us =) WE LOVE YOU <3333333
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
what would i do without these people???
bah. my common tests are a horror. the irony is that for the only subject i studied and studied hard for...screwed up, while the one that i didn't prepare for was ok. amazingly ok.
the only thing i prepared for GP was to remember the definition for poverty. it came out and i spent like the first 15 minutes trying to plan out the essay, but i ended up stoning. i then spent the next 45 minutes trying to write out my essay which turned out to be like crap and i just knew it wasn't good enough to give myself a pass. so i spent the last 30 minutes re-writing it and i'm happy with it =) thank God for His help and blessing.
the paper 2 wasn't good though, i was really bored with the passage and i barely understood what it was, all that big words..arghz. kill me. bio was the worst of the lot though. as much as i thought i studied well for it, i totally blanked out when i panicked cos i just forgot everything i studied. ok. not everything, but the first few questions i did i just couldn't remember and i continued panicking. i dun think i can make it though the MCQ. bah. i had like 10+ blanks and i didn;t have enough time. de silva could see me panick like mad and just told me to guess. so without reading the questions and the options, i just blankly shaded what seemed nice to shade =( same goes for structured, though there's nothing to shade. i basically blanked out throughout and i almost broke down on the spot. and ms de silva wasn't helping by staring at me do my paper. felt so demoralised after the entire thing.
i'm thankful though for the people that God gave me to make me feel better =) was quite disappointed when my closer friends in class didn't respond when i talked to them. basically i was ignored. maybe they didn't hear me or smth. but it did make things feel worse. i went down to the cafe alone and i saw deb, but wanted to pretend that i didnt see her cos i was already feeling like crap. but she saw me and called me to her. i'm thankful for friends like her in church. really really thankful. she continued to encourage me and all. after she left i had some time on my own to study before the sfc seniors joined me. not to study but just to accompany me. it was nice for a change to hear people just enjoying themselves istead of just talking about exams and all and just continue to stress me out. even though they were noisy, it wasn't distracting and i enjoyed being there with them. their encouragement and all made me feel loads better. thank yous. maybe after this common tests i should write a thank you message to everyone who made my exams much better =)
thanks you guys so much. man. i hope the SFC J1 members will grow to be as close and family like as the J2s. what would i do without these people???
the only thing i prepared for GP was to remember the definition for poverty. it came out and i spent like the first 15 minutes trying to plan out the essay, but i ended up stoning. i then spent the next 45 minutes trying to write out my essay which turned out to be like crap and i just knew it wasn't good enough to give myself a pass. so i spent the last 30 minutes re-writing it and i'm happy with it =) thank God for His help and blessing.
the paper 2 wasn't good though, i was really bored with the passage and i barely understood what it was, all that big words..arghz. kill me. bio was the worst of the lot though. as much as i thought i studied well for it, i totally blanked out when i panicked cos i just forgot everything i studied. ok. not everything, but the first few questions i did i just couldn't remember and i continued panicking. i dun think i can make it though the MCQ. bah. i had like 10+ blanks and i didn;t have enough time. de silva could see me panick like mad and just told me to guess. so without reading the questions and the options, i just blankly shaded what seemed nice to shade =( same goes for structured, though there's nothing to shade. i basically blanked out throughout and i almost broke down on the spot. and ms de silva wasn't helping by staring at me do my paper. felt so demoralised after the entire thing.
i'm thankful though for the people that God gave me to make me feel better =) was quite disappointed when my closer friends in class didn't respond when i talked to them. basically i was ignored. maybe they didn't hear me or smth. but it did make things feel worse. i went down to the cafe alone and i saw deb, but wanted to pretend that i didnt see her cos i was already feeling like crap. but she saw me and called me to her. i'm thankful for friends like her in church. really really thankful. she continued to encourage me and all. after she left i had some time on my own to study before the sfc seniors joined me. not to study but just to accompany me. it was nice for a change to hear people just enjoying themselves istead of just talking about exams and all and just continue to stress me out. even though they were noisy, it wasn't distracting and i enjoyed being there with them. their encouragement and all made me feel loads better. thank yous. maybe after this common tests i should write a thank you message to everyone who made my exams much better =)
thanks you guys so much. man. i hope the SFC J1 members will grow to be as close and family like as the J2s. what would i do without these people???
Sunday, July 02, 2006
wake up ur idea!!!!!!!
i'm sick of studying...even if i didn't do alot of it. but the bio is seriously overwhelming me. all that mitosis and meiosis crap. arghz. i believe all these studying will make my lysosomes BURST and release all that hydrolytic enzymes and digest all my cells and kill me. haha. bio rocks. i desperately need help in chem and maths.
i'm gonna fail my common tests. so badly that my grades can't even form the world "BODO(H)" (but getting a H for a grade is impossible. considering that it's not even a grade) my grades will make you sound amazed as u read it out --> OOOO =) yeps. many Os for OUTSTANDING. yea right. if only it worked that way.
the only good i see from exams is HOLIDAYS. =) simply cause i don't take every single subject that they offer at my school. yay to being unqualified to take 4 H2s. i'm happy =)
i'm super tired now. stayed over at chrystal's last night with sarah and amy to watch soccer. it was SUCH A BORING MATCH i was sleeping with my eyes open. portugal won in the end. yay. the only interesting part was when wayne rooneystepped stomped on the guy's balls. like OUCH. he got such a 'tude it annoys me. same goes with ronaldo. urghz. didn't manage to survive the brazil match, but found out that they lost in the end. ah wellz. pity those who placed their bets on brazil to win the world cup. they haven't been playing well anyway.
i'm disappointed in myself. haven't been behaving like a Christian. don't know what's going on with me man. kjajflsdjsdjksdjjfklad. i forgot all about today's comm meeting. actually, both the pub leaders that could make it forgot. Felt quite bad about it cos i didn't prepare for it. was supposed to reflect and evaluate on the team and my own progress. in a way, it was a wake up call for me. i realised that all this while in YF i've been serving for the sake of serving. i don't have the heart for what i'm doing. i've been such a horrible leader. i need to seek God for the direction of the team, to lead the team by His strength and plans, not mine. been living the past few days and perhaps even weeks by my own strength, my own will and all. horrible terrible me. WAKE UP YOUR IDEA MAN GLORY!!!!!!!
i'm gonna fail my common tests. so badly that my grades can't even form the world "BODO(H)" (but getting a H for a grade is impossible. considering that it's not even a grade) my grades will make you sound amazed as u read it out --> OOOO =) yeps. many Os for OUTSTANDING. yea right. if only it worked that way.
the only good i see from exams is HOLIDAYS. =) simply cause i don't take every single subject that they offer at my school. yay to being unqualified to take 4 H2s. i'm happy =)
i'm super tired now. stayed over at chrystal's last night with sarah and amy to watch soccer. it was SUCH A BORING MATCH i was sleeping with my eyes open. portugal won in the end. yay. the only interesting part was when wayne rooney
i'm disappointed in myself. haven't been behaving like a Christian. don't know what's going on with me man. kjajflsdjsdjksdjjfklad. i forgot all about today's comm meeting. actually, both the pub leaders that could make it forgot. Felt quite bad about it cos i didn't prepare for it. was supposed to reflect and evaluate on the team and my own progress. in a way, it was a wake up call for me. i realised that all this while in YF i've been serving for the sake of serving. i don't have the heart for what i'm doing. i've been such a horrible leader. i need to seek God for the direction of the team, to lead the team by His strength and plans, not mine. been living the past few days and perhaps even weeks by my own strength, my own will and all. horrible terrible me. WAKE UP YOUR IDEA MAN GLORY!!!!!!!
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