i had such an awesome sleep last night. slept so well my dad and bro thought i went into some coma. HAHAHA. quite cool. but it felt soooooooooooooooo goooooooooooooodddddddddd. got me in a superbly lazy mood the entire day and i just din want to do anything. yayz. and it's all thanks to the OCIP selection camp.

thanks to the camp i had to..once again..miss the phototaking plus fun fellowship time with my fellow SFC mates after step up/down. i keep seeing the scene of the ceremony and me at one side just watching the entire scene run before my eyes. such a pain to see it all and still not be part of it :( sigh. anyway...i had to shake all those sad feelings away and focus on being strict for the camp. ah wellz. thank God all went well and i was one of the VERY lucky few who managed to catch a wink while the rest had to leave for night trek. heehee. so the new batch of j1s are rather soft. i'm not talking about how they feel like when you prod at them. well...we had like 80 + participants at the start and broke camp with like...eh...50+ peeps. cool eh. i don't remember my batch just disappearing like flies dropping dead. oh wellz. all the takaning was all so familiar and i recall myself being so annoyed at it all the year before. even after being part of the comm executing the takaning...i still hate it and i find most of the activities though specially designed to bring out the worse in us..i still hated how it was all carried out. i know most of us shouted at them for the sake of doing so and it was all crap. i couldn't help but feel pity for them, and at the same time, feel their annoyance at us seniors. oh wells.

anyway, it felt good to return to my old self during the station games with no one else except the group leaders being there to judge if i was too strict or soft (though seriously i dun think we cared). soo..i scolded them accordingly to how annoying stupid they were at ignoring our advice and stuff. through my game i got to know some of their names and spot potential talents cos my acitivity really forced them to lead. haha. every single individual. so honestly, apart from the very tedious repetitions, i really did have some fun cos i felt that at least what i did was meaningful. :) yayz. got to see some of the j1s attitude which annoyed me to really scream at them for being such idiots and air heads. sigh..seriously man. to these guys...communication meant just shouting at one another instructions...with no one listening..well done. ah wellz. this camp kinda brought me out of a lil bit of my comfort zone since i was made to debrief them (though i didn't originally intend to since i didn't have to). anyway...the cafe is clean again. though i seriously doubt it'll be for long as we saints are all known to be such messy eaters along with our fellow feathered friends who leave their shit all over the place. ah haz. so i was all totally tired out and ready to rest once i got home :)

sooo.....the new uni term is starting soon and it's cool to see all the new freshies writing on their blogs about how excited/scared/nervous they are. while reading about all that is fun, the best seats in the house of course belong at home where i have an up close view of it all of my brother. hahaha. so funnn... he's spraying all his t-shirts and stuff with cologne to attract girlssss get rid of the musty cupboard smells. yeps yeps. so exciting..new life, new start etc.

i can't wait for my turn for uni (if i can make it there first)...cool and fun hostel life like the one in hana kimi, no more holiday homework etc. but...i dun like the idea of making new friends all over again, the stupid crappy orientations where u have to act all enthu even among strangers, get worried and frenzy over what people think of you etc. i dunno la...the future is such a scary thing and if i continued to think about it i think i will go MAD. seriously. so many things to worry about. how to get a job, clothes to wear, getting into a relationship. ahh..it's all so SCARYYYY. ho ho.

i can't bear to part with my badge. in a matter of less than a day...i dunno..it sorta marks the end of my CCA life. and i just had to end it so abruptly due to the OCIP selection camp. It was the same last year...i can't believe the same is happening all over again...the celebratory dinner, the last time we spend together...it sucks horribly man. :(

the end of jc life..sigh.

it's scary. the resumes to write, the future to worry about, getting a job etc. it's really scaring. during the recent 2 day learning fest in SA, i realised during my resume writing course how worthless everything that we're doing and have done. how everything really doesn't count in end. it really makes you think why you're fighting so hard to be the best when at the end of the day...you're still just a mediocre individual is this dog eat dog world. sad truth eh?

i realised with great sadness that very much of my life and identity is measured by my achievements and what others think about me. the realisation of how all that ive done came to nothing was a great discouragement and in some way...

As a christian...the model answer would be that i am contented with what i have, confident in my identity. but i supposed as time passed and i'm caught up in the world, i confess that i've lost my first love. As i try as i might to find it back, i can't seem to do so. That's when it becomes even more demoralising because although you know the solution to your problem...you just can't get it :( you put on a smile, act as if everything is alright and just let the day pass you by quickly.

enough of emo stuffs. i picked up photog and guitar during my learning fest and i really enjoyed learning guitar..though i'm one of the slowest pock heads in the class who can't even strum accordingly haha. and of course.. both my left and right brain are somehow disconnected because i can never continue strumming as i search for the next chord to press. haha. nonetheless...i enjoyed it and i look forward to the day when i'll be confident and comfortable with the guitar :)

reminiscing

i'm officially an old fart.

i can't believe time has passed so quickly and it's time for us J2s to step down :( on one hand i'm eager to do so because i know i need all the time in the world to study and catch up on my studies. YET...i can't bear to leave SFC :( my brothers and sisters in Christ. the ones who encouraged me and gave me the hope to trust and hope in God everytime i was down and out and in doubt. the ones who made me feel accepted and loved even without doing anything, the people whom i knew i didn't have to be anything else but myself to be accepted and be friends with. the times of fellowship, the many times they endured my nonsense and lameness, the times of laughter, movie and dinner dates, study sessions etc. you guys shared both joy and woes (mostly joys than tears and pain though). Thank you to all of you, who made my time in SAJC such a worthwhile and complete experience. i really really don't know what else to say.

As i re-read my journals to re-cap about what i've learnt during my time in SA and in SFC, i realised the many amazingly wonderful things that God has done in my life during this short yet most memorable time of my life. Indeed, i've seen how God has brought me through the O levels, the miserable and lonely times during orientation, the joy of growing closer to Him, the wonderful classmates and SFC mates, the seemingly impossible promotional exams to get promoted, getting through each and every exam and miraculously making it through every single one. i'm amazed at how abundantly God has blessed me with. Thank you God.

it's scary how time is passing so quickly, with prelims just around the corner. i don't know how, with my current results, i am ever going to make it to the uni. by faith i supposed. it's the only thing that'll help me on. alongside with friends and hardwork of course.

If God has brought you to it, He will bring you through it :) i'll trust in You.

Jubilee the dog

since ezra is not doing Jubilee any honour by refusing to put up photos of him on his blog...i shall help. He's a real frisky lil golden retriever pup who is as lazy as his owner. haha. it's ok if u still smell like SPCA and u stole my sandals to chew on it. u're still so nice and huggable and shake pawable.

everyone....meet JUBILEE the golden retriever :)



so cute rightttttt...mel, ezra and i gave him a bath...so now my hands smell like a dog. haha. he's quite manja if he's lazy. just sit down on the floor next to him and sayang him and next thing u know, he's drooling and slobbering all over your leg as he rests his head on our lap. haha.

there u go char...for pang seying me and making me such a BRIGHT light bulb. u missed meeting cute jubilee (which is seriously a stupid name for a dog. plus..it sounds more girl than guy. stupid ezra....)