i can't bear to part with my badge. in a matter of less than a day...i dunno..it sorta marks the end of my CCA life. and i just had to end it so abruptly due to the OCIP selection camp. It was the same last year...i can't believe the same is happening all over again...the celebratory dinner, the last time we spend together...it sucks horribly man. :(

the end of jc life..sigh.

it's scary. the resumes to write, the future to worry about, getting a job etc. it's really scaring. during the recent 2 day learning fest in SA, i realised during my resume writing course how worthless everything that we're doing and have done. how everything really doesn't count in end. it really makes you think why you're fighting so hard to be the best when at the end of the day...you're still just a mediocre individual is this dog eat dog world. sad truth eh?

i realised with great sadness that very much of my life and identity is measured by my achievements and what others think about me. the realisation of how all that ive done came to nothing was a great discouragement and in some way...

As a christian...the model answer would be that i am contented with what i have, confident in my identity. but i supposed as time passed and i'm caught up in the world, i confess that i've lost my first love. As i try as i might to find it back, i can't seem to do so. That's when it becomes even more demoralising because although you know the solution to your problem...you just can't get it :( you put on a smile, act as if everything is alright and just let the day pass you by quickly.

enough of emo stuffs. i picked up photog and guitar during my learning fest and i really enjoyed learning guitar..though i'm one of the slowest pock heads in the class who can't even strum accordingly haha. and of course.. both my left and right brain are somehow disconnected because i can never continue strumming as i search for the next chord to press. haha. nonetheless...i enjoyed it and i look forward to the day when i'll be confident and comfortable with the guitar :)