-

just when i thought i could concentrate on my subjects....along comes...aep paper 2. BAH. i hate it. and i know i have to do a good job cos aep is one subject that i'll be using for my L1R5. AHHH...crappers. i think i'm gonna screw my Os up. but it's ok. i have back up plans. if i go poly, i'll get into the media industry..which i think i'll be happier in. and if i go JC....i have plans to go get a degree in psychology. cool eh??? i reckon..i'll be happy with either =)))

lala. i HATE studying...i LOATHE studying..YAY!

dunno...some rubbish test i got off clarissa's blog =)

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||| 33% Stability |||||||||||| 50% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66% Accommodation |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56% Intellectual |||||||||| 36% Mystical |||||| 30% Artistic |||||||||||||| 56% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Hedonism || 10% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||||||||| 50% Adventurousness |||||| 23% Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||| 16% Need to dominate |||||| 30% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||||||||| 36% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70% Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Individuality |||||||||| 36% Sexuality |||| 16% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70% Physical Fitness |||||| 30% Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63% Paranoia |||||||||||| 50% Vanity |||||||||| 36% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70% Female cliche |||||| 23%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

cool site-rapture

check this out. really cool!

http://www.siapudding.blogpsot.com

**there is no typo error in the link. it's not one of those blogspot sites yea!

oh boy. this is either damn inaccurate...or i'm damn old at heart =(

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

i mean. i'm not even 16!

_______________

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

artist??? HEH. graphic artist prob. but no way am i gonna be a painter/sculptor/art teacher. HAHA.

____________________

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

_______________

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

uh oh. i think i've been doing too much aep =S
_________________

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

___________________

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

__________________

Your Birthdate: December 6

A birthday on the 6th of the month adds a tone of responsibility, helpfulness, and understanding to your natural inclinations. Those born on the sixth are more apt to be open and honest with everyone, and more caring about family and friends, too. This is a number associated with responsibility and caring - this birthday lends a degree of concern for others.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

____________

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

no wonder steffi always say i'm gay. =|

_______________

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

_____________

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

____________

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

____________

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences. You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary! New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with. Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

How Is Your Inner Child?

_____________

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

haha. i dun seduce anyone!!! but if i am...that's quite correct. haha.

-----------------

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

-----------------

yay. could u tell how sick and tired of studying i am???? yay. good for you. i can't wait for Os to be over.

i'm gonna...

- throw all my books away
- re-decorate my room
- work with the web team on the flash intro
- go learn roller blading and ice skating
- go for chalets
- go camping at east coast with my CG
- go work on projects at singapore youth for christ..OHH..EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- eat at sakae sushi =)))))))
- get familiar with flash and mambo
- experiment with web stuffies and prob get my website up
- design CG tee
- WORK OUT AND GET GREAT ABS and MUSCLES!!!!
- play bball daily with the brudders in school!!!!
- go mad and jump off the building in a moment of gladness =) (of cos this will be last. or maybe it won't happen. hur hur)

end of times

random pic. perhaps that's wad making me short =S

sat's sermon was scary. i missed almost everything except the last part. but thinking about the coming of christ is really scary and the only thing i can think of is:

"shit. i am in so deep !@#$%& crap. i'm so going to hell"

it's weird how we know that the end is coming soon and yet we don't know what to do. everyone is giving the answers of

a) evangelise
b) be a good christian
c) please God
d) spend more time with God

etc etc.

yet, all seems so superficial. the motive is all wrong. isit then, still counted? they often say that God looks at the heart, not at the results etc. but if the motive for doing all these is to get to heaven, will we succeed???

the signs of the end times are clear. some people choose to avoid facing it. but does avoiding it help to prevent it from happening??? if it does, i will avoid it too. but i know i can;t.

my mind is in a whirl. on one hand i want to give up. yet on the other, i know i'm clinging on with my dear life. after this life. will i get to heaven??? what must i do then...to be able to get to Him? to stay with Him???

yet. the only answer i can think of is so simple it almost seems impossible. it's just a four letter answer - LOVE. i didn't think of it until just now, as i was typing this entry, asking God for the answer to these questions. and it was just so simple and straightforward. why didn't i think of it???? isit really the answer? or isit just me and my imagination???? i really do not know.

i dun deserve anything because of all i've done. i've "murdered", swore, lied, stole etc. why would someone so pure, so holy, love someone so insignificant like me???? someone who so often feels not part of society or someone who feels so lousy compared to everyone and yet has no guts to show.

amy often tells us that it's not your academic results/material possessions/status that makes you who you are. rather, it's who you are in christ, as God's children, that makes us who you are. as much as i would like to believe in that, somehow i don't feel the same. it seems as if this society requires you to have all the above. i remember how great and welcomed it feels when you have good grades, status etc. but it was all just short lived. but nevertheless, it existed, and it was enough to feed my hunger for attention.

i realised that i've been living on the praises of man. and realised with surprised that i do have a few love languages. but i have expressed them not very openly.

physical touch --> i DO love hugs and all. but i'm afraid to do so cos i'm afraid that people will think i'm les or wadsoeva.

gifts - i dun mind giving you gifts to show i care. but thinking of a good and meaningful gift is so tiring. that sooner or later. i'll have nothing good to give and i dun want that to happen =(

time - i do like spending time with the ones i love. but sometimes i'm just so afraid of what they will think of me that i'd rather avoid spending time with them cos my mind gets really paranoid.

affirmation - i LOVE affirmation. it encourages me and gives me a greater sense of security and acceptance. letters from others help me to know you and myself better. yet, i do not dare express myself for fear that people might think i'm obsessed or that i'm a scary stalker.

i can't remember the last one. forgive my failing memory. all in all. i realised i'm such a loser who is so afraid of everything.

the o levels pracs are coming. i'm scared =((((

it is finished

it is finished.

yes. i finally completed my boards. i think aep is another slimming centre. then again. when i'm eager to finish smth, i dun eat =D. that is why i have starved myself the past few days. having only one cup of milo to last me all the way till dinner, where steffi and i were gladly leave the mac lab to long johns or KFC =D

it was a nice time being able to talk and spend time together. it's weird how we never became close until this year. i wonder why....through such bonding sessions, we realised how we think alike etc. and the reason why was due to how we were brought up. if we're talking about how our character is due to nature and nuture, i would say...BOTH =d whatever experiences we obtain during life, we learn from there and our character changes as we adapt. and nature plays a role too as it determines how we're going to react to these experiences =D see!

but i must say...steffi and i are similar and different in different ways. i suppose we do complement one another. i mean. i for one am able to tolerate her. haha. which by the way...DOES require a HUGE amount of effort.

no la. but i suppose i'm too lazy to get angry or smth. no idea.

it's fast how these 4 years in IJ has passed. i mean. with ARC speeding up my sec 2 and 3 life, and sec 4 preparation for the Os speeding up the last year in Ij. i believe that as we grow older, time since to past faster. i remember how i would sit in my couch during the day and wondering WHY THE HELL TIME WAS pASSiNG SO SLOWLY! then again..i was just in primary sch.

all those weirdo autographs stuffies have started flooding in. it's sad cos it shows that we won't keep in contact etc cos we need the details to be written down to remember. =( but it is very touching and encouraging when u read some messages. you get enlightened bout the things you've done that seems so insignificant to you and yet so impactful in someone else's life. i never saw myself as inspiring just because i was a leader or a christian. i always thought i had been a horrible example for both aspects. i suppose we dun see things others do eh????

it's nice knowing what people think of you. well..of cos the good side. haha. thazz why i can't wait to read testimonials and all =D it's FUN! make me happy =D

i'm sleepy. i MUST study. and yAY! under mr teh's teaching i've understood RV. mr tan had just confused me earlier on tues lesson cos he was too cheem and i was lost. haha!

life ought to be simple. =))))))

i went to CJC's open hse on sat. it was pretty interesting and fun. we had a guide to guide us around the school, but right after the the first stop, which was the drama club's play, we lost her and she lost us. ok. so basically debby, su hui and i were wondering around the school aimlessly, but THANKFULLY..we met gen, who had coincidentally lost her group as well. so might as well. she became our guide. which was better since we could talk more comfortably. she brought us to her CCA - air rifle. where we tried the guns out as well. i totally sucked at it man. esp pistol. i missed all the many shots i did. quite embarassing. haha. but the peeps there were really nice and encouraging =D must be the IJ girls there. hahaha.

everyone there was so friendly and all, especially the Ij girls. weirdly although we din noe them, we could talk so easily. now i want to go to cjc. they have such fun CCAs. bah...but my parents and my bro aren't pleased with the idea. sad. they're like against every school. ACJC as well. i dunno. perhaps they're looking towards getting me in a high ranking JC...like...RJC or hwa chong. hmmm. i won't survive there la.

--------------

sarah, eugene, dan and i went to amy's hse to study after church today. it was my first time there and amy's hse is so nice! even if it's small, it looks so cosy and all =DDDDD according to amy, we started at about 2? so that means i've studied for about 5 hrs today??? not bad. but it's normal for sundays since we always study together =D

i felt quite left out at the hse. was the only anti-social one sitting on the floor at some small glass table while the rest sat at the dining table. so naturally, when they talk, it was like watching a play going on. me totally out of picture unless occasionally they had questions to ask me. felt quite extra, but it's partially my fault that i chose to sit alone. aiya. they were already so squashed up at the table already. i felt quite bad about studying at amy's hse. her mum didn't seem happy about it. or maybe i'm just being a little too sensitive. then again. i keep feeling the only person feeling ok with me is amy's sister, grace.

seeing how close the family is and how peaceful it is makes me wish my family was like that. perhaps it's cos their family's full of girls except for their dad. but its nice. wish i could be in their family until amy's mum spoke. she sounds very fierce and scary. dun think i'll live under her. haha.

sometimes i think about how people think about me. especially when in a group and i'm all left out and not talking. like today. i keep getting the feeling that amy hates me and she's just being nice cos i'm in her CG. she wants to bring me shopping. i dun mind going, not that i like shopping, but it's a chance to spend time with her. but at the same time i'm reluctant cos i know it's really hard for both of us to converse. we're sort of like worlds apart. going out with her alone and shopping for MY clothes is going to be something really awkward. so many a times i wish to be able to spend more time with someone. and yet....i have no guts..especially when i look up to that person. bah. why can't i be like others. like sarah, christina etc who are able to mix with all the seniors and juniors alike? i feel so pathetic. hiaz.

sometimes i wonder...if i'm....nvm.

FINALLY!

FINALLY! my aep project is CONFIRMED completed. i have officially sent it for professional printing. i'm happy. but mr tan, there was seriously no need to give me a smack on my back to praise me. not to mention a REALLY REALLY HARD SMACK! my lungs almosy popped out when he did that. i know i'm quite guy. but i dun have the physical strength of one. so YEA!

i was the only one who had ended up following him to print the works. sad. why??? cos everyone else had to leave. aiya. i didn't really mind since it would be a bonus shud i need to print my own works in future =D plus, isn't it my responsibility to go down with him to print them?? i mean. it's not even his job to do it for us. but nvm. others see it differently i suppose. it was VERY fascinating journey. and i learnt and saw alot of stuff i never saw before!

things i've learnt about Singapore, art and myself:

1) i've learnt that City hall and bras basar complex is pretty near. now i know how to get there =D

2) i found new places for art materials, books, printing places etc

3) i've learnt how to source for the cheapest printer available from mr tan. not that i don't know how.. i just lack my internal organs (guts)

4) singapore DOES have pretty cool shops after all. esp those furniture shops. they look GREAT!

5) bras basah complex has ALOT of stuff that i want to get my hands on =D

6) i figured out the reason why i hate shopping --> i hate crowds.

the last point was REALLY fascinating. i mean. i never knew i was pretty scared of crowds until today. i guess i finally realised how small i am and how scary it is to see a humongomous bunch of strangers CHARGING towards you. quite scary. at one point of time. i wanted to cry. but i felt really silly. so i din =D which was good. i mean wad would u think when u saw a sec 4 girl standing in the middle of a shopping centre crying like a 5 year old who just lost her mum. weird rite?

i suppose mr tan noticed how fascinated i was with my surroundings that he asked if i ever been shopping often. which..i dun. i prefer pigging out at a single restaurant =D like sakae!!!!

i can't wait for the Os to end. even though it hasn't even started, i can already imagine the immense joy i would be experiencing. but i just have this weird feeling that i might accidentally jump off a building in my state of joy and excitement. hmm..people. pls restraint me!!!! can u imagine?? after i die, newspaper reports: girl dies after o levels due to excitement. hmm..and once results were released the headlines would be: she didn't know she got straight As. sad. i hope that won't happen. then again. it's quite impossible to get straight As. dream as i may. but i'll try =D.

i'm trying to think of designs for the CG tee. but my brain is not thinking. and i can't be inspired by any single thing. bAAAA...where are all the cool and funky stuff????? hmm

fun day =D

shagged

piang. been so tired lately. i've been working my ass off for aep and i've been unable to work on any other subject. on one hand, i want to focus on my other subjects to get my A1s, yet, i know that AEP is one of the subjects that i can secure a 1 with =(...rahhh

been sleeping at 12 plus daily just cos of aep and i'm still not done. it's supposed to be done. but everytime i show mr tan, there will be changes to make and all. damn tired. havent done any of my homework yet. RAH. dying..dying...stress arh. Thank God for God

he taught me yesterday and showed me a verse which impacted me:

John 16:33
"in the world, you will have trouble. but take heart, i have overcome the world"

hope i'm correct though. haha. not referring to anything except my memory. too shagged out to move la. and after this short break MUST continue with the monkey. ape. ahem. i mean. aep. tyred. i mean. tired.

RAHHHHH.

i'm annoyed. frustrated. FUCK.

i can't sit down and do my aep properly. it's just so...URGH. and i'm restless.

so i try making full use of my time by STUDYING...but i can't!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK.

i feel so drained of energy. i don't want to do anything. i feel uncomfortable doing anything and everything. except drinking coke.waha. coke rocks =D

i wanna go out to cycle. catch some breeze to loosen my muscles and bones. RAH. so tired. so sick and tired. thazz why we shudn;t have prelims! it'll kill people like me! people like me who can't sit down and study! why the hell did i take 9 freakin hard subjects. RAH.

and i can't continue slacking like this. o levels is coming soon! rah

anyway. i shall divert my attention on this frustrating stuff and concentrate on my wonderful time i had yesterday at the gathering. ok. it wasn't very exciting or wonderful. was rushing to somerset mrt cos i was going to be late. i didn't expect to meet khairul at dhoby gaut cos i thot i was the only one rude enuff to be late. HEH HEH. anyway. this guy just came up to me and said "xiao jie" in some weird quacky voice that's abit guy yet girly. looked up and to my surprise, it was khairul. and that ass hole was laughing at me for still being so short. i'm sorry. pls forgive my shortage of growth hormones. apparently i had so kindly left them in my mother's womb for my younger brother who is growing like i dunno what. both horizontally and vertically. sadly, not mentally.

we reached and mrt station and realised we were sort of the last. alvin saw me and he was like "wait wait. who is this???" i STARED at him. hoping that out of my eyeballs would come punching gloves to punch that stupid face to wake him up. he almost got killed by reg and i for not recognising me. ahahahaha. but of cos. we didn't cos we're such nice people =D

we went down to cine, where we stood outside for God knows how long trying to decide where the hell to eat. apparently, our initial plans were to eat at pasta mania and sit there and chit chat and catch up on one another. but apparently, some people didn't want to eat at pasta mania. so guess wad???? we ended up at BK. -_______- that was WHY i didn't why so many other people to come. hard to decide where to eat. lucky there was irsyad who was a very fast decision maker. unlike me. who won't decide until i make sure everyone is happy. it was obvious SOME people weren't happy. anyway. they didn't look happy the entire way. i was basically stuck in between regina who was quite annoyed by the presence of someone, with the black faces of another group who were so extra among my clique. so yea. but i didn;t show my displeasure to make everyone happy. there was clearly this division la. hui hui and gang formed one, while khairul and the rest of us forming another. it was like this since primary sch. but they came only cos yy called them. ah wellz. nvm.

we wanted to go play pool after dinner cos apparently hui hui's gang didn't fancy the idea of sitting there talkin. they had to smuggle me in considering the fact that i'm under 16. haha. but by the time we reached there, the place was full. so we decided on bowling instead. SADLY. when we got into the lift, we realised we were headed in the wrong direction, thus, we settled on the arcade =D which was fine for me anyway.

oh! i mustn't miss out this part. at the entrance of the arcade, i saw this really really cute, hot, handsome guy! **swoons** he's like tan, mixed blood, gorgeous body and everything i would die for. ok. maybe i won't die la. but i realised my eyes were glued to him for a while until i had to pull my eyes off him cos it was rude to stare. haha.

anyway. once again. certain people weren't happy. could tell by their refusal to do anything except stand around with black faces. either that...or their face is always like that. sad. i played some star wars racing game. haha. quite amusing. feel damn pro with those controllers. but i lost la. sad. felt that game cheat my money. it wasn;t as if khai and i were racing. we were playing against the comp. SURE LOSE ONE LA! but we had FUN! irsyad was very sweet. bought loads of tokens for us to play. haha. his treat =D played loads of air hockey. heehee. for a guy. or rather gay, khairul hits very....erm..gently. the disc thingy could barely cross the net everytime he hits. wahahahahahhaa. loser. but it's damn funny. i mean. he's like gayer than before =D

we played all sorts of games. including dance dance revolution. which alvin and isyrad so sporting played for the sake of amusing us. i almost died laughing. obviously, they failed the first round. hahahahahahahhahahaha. being relative nerds, we enjoyed some brain games as well. those spot the difference, find the words kind. haha.quit eenjoyable. but we're cheapos la. like use one token for one player but actually like 6 people playing. haha.

we left for home at about 10.30 to about 11. took the nel back with khai since we were the only ones living in that area. we talked on the train and amused one another with blond jokes. it was quite embarassing having khairul laugh like mad at one blond joke. at least now he has a new favourite blond joke =d

ah well. all in all. it was a relative fun day =D hopefully. the plans of having a chalet for the grp will be taking place after the Os. and it better just be the few of us and no one outside the clique cos i could sense friction. so yea. =D