working at church has made me realise my need for a daily dosage of laughter. without a chance to really laugh, i get super restless and irritated and i get very very very very very grumpy.

i really thank God for my brudders. while i once thought that our relationship had grown sour over the past 2 years where we didn't hang out together as much, i realised afresh last friday when novita, denise and i met together to prepare for the ARC gathering that these are friends, that perhaps will last forever in the end. i really don't know. but it's what i hope so.

it feels relaxing talking to them and we can just tease each other and laugh at our mistakes. love u guys loads. sorry for being such an ass all the time. but i know you still love me cos life would be boring without me :)

Anyway, i made use of my monday off day to go cny shopping becos i superbly need to....the problem is i travelled all the way to vivo city (where there's a mix of high class shops(Armani Exchange etc) to low class shops(Giordano and Bossini and Hang ten)*I HOPE I DON'T GET SUED..i'm err..basing it on cost* I was honestly very nervous when i ended up at vivo and i was superbly tempted to travel all the way back home to work on my portfolio *but i'm also very lazy to do that* but because of the desperate need for clothes, i had to grit my teeth and march on. talk about mental battle. I felt so self conscious and awkward la....rah...the only time i shop unself consciously is at the supermarket.

ah wellz. it was a big step leap forward for me. for the first time i my entire life i tried on different kind of clothes..even the type that i thougt i'd never wear but stuff that i see my friends wearing. thank goodness i went alone so i din have to show anyone except myself how i looked. Thank goodness (cos i can still keep my almost non-existent self image and confidence)

soo...my whole shopping battle consisted of going down to pull and bear, GAP, ZARA, MANGO, Esprit, Fox, Adidas, Nike, Forever 21 etc etc etc etc whatever you have at vivo. I went in and out and in and out of shops and clothes but nothing that i found completely suited for me or anything that i really liked. and when gloria doesn't find anything that she feels completely suited for like an enzyme and it's substrate, gloria doesn't buy it. So yea. my whole time down at vivo was wasted in the end. sigh. the only thing that made up for it was going down to Animal Safari and looking at the puppies there...oh my golden retreiver..i'm so going to get one or at least get a job in some pet shop or smth...oh why did i sign up for my church internship?????? oh why oh why....now that i'm in it all of a sudden i find so many more things to doooo....oh wellz...maybe if i screw up my As i'll just take a gap year or smth if i dun qualify for NTU. hahaha. see first see first...my legs are dying and dropping offf...

so all in all...my shopping for clothes trip came out to zilch and the only things that i bought was a waffle for my breakfast and acrylic paint for my portfolio.

sigh.....i'm hopeless as a girl. and it's really not my fault. clothes are not designed for short and fat people like me...

long pants for people are overalls for me. 3/4s for people are 7/8s for me which looks totally ridiculous. and tops designed for long bodied people are short dresses for me. WHYYYYY...this is annoying. and the stupid mannequins are so cheating...they make everything look so nice but when you wear it you look like shit.

that is why i hate shopping..it kinda deflates ur ego. haha

bobo was youtubing in the office today while i was checking out ADM stuff cos we really had nothing much to do. she was watching cello videos when she found loads of child prodigy and i have chosen my favourite dude. He's so cool i'm going to mark him down as a potential child or even a boyfriend...pity he's only like 11 yrs old now. i don't go for young boys...but ooohhh..he's so charismatic!!! my gosh..look at the way he plays...how his fingers dance on the cello, how he plays with EMOTION such that even his hair dances..hahhaa...he's got the whole musician vibe about him..hahaha..check him out! daniel hass!



sexy man.....hahahaha

yesterday's class gathering was quite a disappointment. like more than half of the clique din turn up. anyway, it was quite xian and ya....the only thing we talked about was when people were going to NS and our jobs. that was all. realised that the people that i once thought could be friends for life are just drifting apart. it's true that everything comes down to nothing in the end :( ah well..that's just life...think the only thing good was that i finally got to see the mouse whom i really really missed alot and the fun we had playing with dave's lomo camera.

anyway, once dave passes me the photos i'll post them up on facebook or up here..ahh..wadeva la.

been researching on uni stuff esp ADM's programs and admission. i'm really quite scared that my stuff aren't up to standard. the seniors on the forum sounds super nice and helpful. i dunno. seems pretty cool. just don't quite know what to expect. haiz. anyway. here's my next portfolio piece.



shoot man..i'm going to start selling tissue papers on overhead bridges now. pooottt..

working in church can be both a bore and yet an eye opener as well. on one hand, i detest tuesdays staff devotion cos it's quite boring and it's really long and theres the sharing of prayer requests. the problem with this is that i'm stuck with the big pastors like the senior pastor who prays super long prayers till my head feels like it's going to detach from my neck. it's very stressful too cos my prayers are really pathetic as compared to them. i know God doesn't care about the words or the length but the sincerity, but with them, i feel so self conscious that the prayers aren't sincere :(

still, today's session felt wierd. the atmosphere was quite down cos of something that happened to one of our members. it's really sad but i'm not sure if i can share. But because it was such heartbreaking news, the drive to look to God became strong. although i'm struggling in my spiritual life and i couldn't worship unlike the others, just sitting there observing was quite amazing. No wonders they say true worship can draw others close to God. I never heard the staff sing and worship like today before.

listening to the prayer requests really makes you realise how real the spiritual warfare is. It never seemed so real. we tend to neglect the tinest things, be it good or bad and take it merely as part of our everyday life. you never realise how fragile our lives are until u sit down in a prayer meeting and listen to the many problems of our church members. deaths, sickness etc.

leaves me quite heavy hearted everytime...

[edit] i love my colleagues bobo and amy. i really really thank God for them. otherwise....i'd have died from boredom oh man...i need a more active job :(

i should have fallen in love with theatre and musicals earlier. haiz. i should go and intern at some musical/theatre company that will give me a chance to be involved. :(

ah wellz. really confused as to what i should do in the future.

i'm actually quite eager to do theatre and stuff like that. while my mum believes that i should go do design and visual comm, i just don't feel confident of my works. they just dont feel up to standard and it's such a struggle coming up with designs :( i've not really been very happy doing up my portfolio so i'm starting to wonder what i should really do.

i hate this whole thing....oh how oh how....i feel so worried, so uneasy.

work has been pretty mundane. i really really miss the days at school where everything is pretty unpredictable. like the times where we forgot to bring something or forgot to do our tutorials. esp during ms de silva's lesson. those were the days where we hoped lady luck was on our side and where we kept our fingers crossed during the whole lesson and prayed the hardest to God to help save us. For the teachers that were more bully-able, it was very easy for the class to show our class spirit and unity by denying the homework or the test. i really miss those days where we chilled at the cafe or just going through the time exam and class times together.

work on the other hand, although stress free, it's really mundane and boring. my daily schedule is like this: 9am reach work place, do my own devotion, read book until about 915 or 930 where we have office devotion and once we're done, we eat breakfast if someone cooked or bought in. so we sit in the pantry and dwadle and talk until we feel guilty about not working and then we clean up and set off the work until lunch time and work continues. The only fun is chatting on MSN with deb who is like diagonally opposite my cubicle and i can see whatever's on her screen and having amy come over to "torture" me with her muay thai moves and to seek entertainment from me. if they're not around, like half of today, life get's very boring among the old folks in the office :( i wish my friends could work together.

work is hateful for another reason : peak periods. Travelling gets such a pain. going to work means wasting your time and getting stuck in the morning traffic. thank God for bus lanes or else it would be an even greater pain. Coming back is also a pain cos my office happens to be located opposite a sch and work end time also means the time where all the smelly school children get out of school and cca. oh my gosh. especially on CCA days. the buses are cramped with SMELLY SOCCER BOYS and what nots. arghz..for someone vertically challenged like me. this means a face to face combat with smelly armpits. ARGHZ...

good lord...spice up my work life

work has been great :) i guess now that i've more or less settled in, there's more stuff to do so i feel less aimless and guilty about surfing the net and chatting on msn while getting pay. yay. it's strange how the lack of stuff to do at work would transform all of us lazy bums into hardworking people who hunger for work or stuff to do. haha. Now that i'm slightly more than a week into my job, i've warmed up to the people in church too. the fact that i'm getting more and more teased each day just goes to show that the office people are also warming up to me. haha. doesn't help that they all know my family and stuff. haha.

went to watch Beauty World at the Esplanade yesterday with my parents and elder bro. wasn't as good as we expected to it be, stage settigs were mediocre. they barely made full use of the whole stage. quite sad cos the sets were so limited. oh wellz. the singing and choreography wasnt fantastic either. all except the lead and perhaps one or two other had nice strong vocals. the others had weak voices and some didn;t harmonise nicely. so quite a waste. i'm not sure if it's the sound system at the esplanade...but oh wellz. Nonetheless, i enjoyed the whole musical experience. love joel nah and i'm getting spoilt by him. thanks to him, we got the private box seats which are the most expensive and best seats in the house once again.

I simply adore musicals and i really wish i could star in one too. blah. even a drama would be awesome. sadly, i can't sing or dance and i have no guts to go for auditions and stuff like that....ah God..won't you just let my hidden talents be discovered by all those theatre people or smth. i want my future boyfriend to like watching musicals so we can go on musical/drama/play watching dates :)

sigh. quite scared to get the A level results. aiyyeee..been dreaming of getting them and it's not exactly a dream..more of a nightmare. i mean...like last night i dreamt twice, of failing the As. like all the subjects except GP...which i got like a C or D or below. quite scary leh. i don't know how i'll react or what i'll do if i do fail the As. Do i retake as a private candidate? do i go to poly? what do i do? or do i just be a bummer and be a permanent staff at church til i retire and die???

ah wellz. family's been pretty much getting on my nerves. esp my mum la. dunno wads her problem. blarh...so snappish and demanding and dunno wad la.. :| RAGH....i can't wait to get out of the hse la.

work is starting to improve. i had my first session of the children's ministry. it was rather awkward at first cos the kids dunno me and yah. quite hard to make friends with them la. thank goodness for small group time which was teh saving grace of my time in the children's ministry :) i took the p1 girls and i didn't really have to do much except talk to them and guide them in copying verses and giving them stickers. they get a star for like everything la. coming to church early, singing the worship songs, reading the bible etc. it's really quite cute cos they are proud of their colourful bibles and are super excited when they have the same stuff and yet they dunno how to use their bibles. haha. when i asked the kids how many times they wanted to read their bible in a week they replied me 100 which means they won't have time to eat, sleep and bathe which means they'll be stinky when they come to church. haha. so cute la!

anyhows...been going out with my cell. not as often as the other girls..but nonetheless more than i ever had. the guys are going to NS this week so the ratio of guys:girls might finally be balanced after so long. oh wellz. now i just got to prepare for loads of army talk from now on :( can't wait to see all the guys when they come out of BMT. should be quite interesting cos i can't imagine how some of the guys will look like. esp those who always have long hair. lol. excitingness :)

first day of work

my first day at work was.....err...quite slack. haha

little children...really believe what your older folks tell you when they say that school is better than work. i so agree...work is so boring..you barely get a chance to talk to your friends :( pfft..thank goodness my work is quite slack so i could chat on msn. hahaha. i miss school loads. i miss bumming around the school with the other 6 people. i miss morning worship, seeing familiar faces, being the laoda of the class and screaming at people for money. sigh...i miss SA.. i miss sitting in a classroom. sobz. i can';t wait for next mon where we'll all meet together again to chill out.

being the first day of work..i was quite lost. din know what to do, where to seat etc. thank goodness for morning devotion and prayer which took up most of the morning :) it wasn't a wee bit like morning worship...the only similarity was that it was held in the morning and people come late. the entire atmosphere is quite different. couldn't really focus and connect. oh wellz. was quite worried that i'll end up just going through the motion of worship, devotion and prayer. thank goodness my worries came to an end during devotion time. It's quite amazing wad just one word can mean if you really break it down and discuss it's meaning and significance etc.

the word was "workmanship" and from that word alone i learnt that God, our creator, made each and everyone of us with a purpose in mind. when making us, He already knew what kind of person we would be, how we would look like, our strengths and our weaknesses...just to fit whatever purpose we were made for. this means that we are made perfect in what we were meant to be cos even before we were made, God had the final picture of us in mind. but the part that blew me away the most was that in everything that a craftsman create, he/she takes pride in it. Likewise, God takes pride in each and everyone of us. i mean like huh?? me??? i'm so lousy and insignificant. the person who is going to marry me must have been hypnotised by God to see beyond my flaws. lol.

prayer was really quite a different experience as well. The prayer meetings that i've attended were mainly for outreach events. so...it's really quite different sitting among the pastors and hearing their prayer requests for the church, the members, newcomers, friends and relatives, missionaries etc. I've been so sheltered that i usually have nothing to pray about. no wonder prayer never felt so important. The sharing made everything seem so real and my life seemed like such a fairytale of ladeedaas and happy endings. all of a sudden i realised that things are happening around me, that spiritual warfare was real, that there were people out there struggling emotionally, physically, people who are hurt, afraid and just need support. all of a sudden, i recognise the importance of prayer, the severity of it all, and i'm thankful for this opportunity to learn and open my eyes during this internship...even if it meant stepping out of my comfort zone to pray popcorn style among 3 other pastors while i'm the only noob who prayed such pathetic minute prayers...it's time to learn and grow glory!

on a lighter note, i did some super mundane and brainless job of sticking stickers on the kids nametags to cover their last year's standard (p1, p2, etc). annoyingly, some kids stuck stickers everywhere except for where i had to stick the stickers -________-''' thank goodness for some sticker crazy dudes who stuck their stickers everywhere that it even covered their name (which therefore defeats the purpose of having a nametag)..silly billys. they're not meant to stick the stickers on their nametags btw. it's for their progress report...so look who hasn't been progressing.....

ah yes...sticking stickers all over...all in the name of vanity. hahahaha. can't wait for my first experience with these strange kiddies. God bless me...

On one hand, working is quite a pain becos it means i'm growing up and i have to be more independent. work means pay and pay means you no longer need pocket money. which is burning a ginormous hole in my pocket cos i no longer have concession and every beep from the ez-link card means tearing open the hole in my pocket wider. i never felt so xin tia about taking transport. every beep is another knock to my brittle glass heart :(

to be more positive, it feels good to be independent. really like the feeling. even if it means to scrimp and save..the entire knowledge of knowing that you are building up your wealth pool is like oo-la-la. hahaha. your first step to growing up >.<