working in church can be both a bore and yet an eye opener as well. on one hand, i detest tuesdays staff devotion cos it's quite boring and it's really long and theres the sharing of prayer requests. the problem with this is that i'm stuck with the big pastors like the senior pastor who prays super long prayers till my head feels like it's going to detach from my neck. it's very stressful too cos my prayers are really pathetic as compared to them. i know God doesn't care about the words or the length but the sincerity, but with them, i feel so self conscious that the prayers aren't sincere :(

still, today's session felt wierd. the atmosphere was quite down cos of something that happened to one of our members. it's really sad but i'm not sure if i can share. But because it was such heartbreaking news, the drive to look to God became strong. although i'm struggling in my spiritual life and i couldn't worship unlike the others, just sitting there observing was quite amazing. No wonders they say true worship can draw others close to God. I never heard the staff sing and worship like today before.

listening to the prayer requests really makes you realise how real the spiritual warfare is. It never seemed so real. we tend to neglect the tinest things, be it good or bad and take it merely as part of our everyday life. you never realise how fragile our lives are until u sit down in a prayer meeting and listen to the many problems of our church members. deaths, sickness etc.

leaves me quite heavy hearted everytime...

[edit] i love my colleagues bobo and amy. i really really thank God for them. otherwise....i'd have died from boredom oh man...i need a more active job :(

i should have fallen in love with theatre and musicals earlier. haiz. i should go and intern at some musical/theatre company that will give me a chance to be involved. :(

ah wellz. really confused as to what i should do in the future.

i'm actually quite eager to do theatre and stuff like that. while my mum believes that i should go do design and visual comm, i just don't feel confident of my works. they just dont feel up to standard and it's such a struggle coming up with designs :( i've not really been very happy doing up my portfolio so i'm starting to wonder what i should really do.

i hate this whole thing....oh how oh how....i feel so worried, so uneasy.