why SA??

"thousand times i've failed. still ur mercy remains..."

why???

i'm still asking why God wanted me to come to SA. to go to a JC instead of a poly.

SA has given me alot of things. great friends for one, spiritual growth, encouragements. my love language. prissy, vonn, rachel, lynette, kee wei, yinxi, eunice, esther, charlene, swati, deborah...the list goes on and on. even for teachers. i've never felt so looked out for. so believed in. ms de silva, mr randy, mr koo, ms sin, ms chua, mdm lee, mr lim. thank you all.

even if i dun get through this promo. it's not your fault. and it's definitely not my PW grp ms de silva. cos my PW grp did a great job. and i've never felt so proud of them in my entire time working with them. put the blame all on me. you guys did all u could for me. all the encouragements, patience in teaching this slow learner, never failing to believe in me, encouraging me. thank you.

friends, teachers, u guys are the best teachers and classmates and school mates i've ever had. (besides my brudders.) and i know that all these words alone cannot express my deep felt thanks to u guys.

somehow i know i won't get through this time. seeing how little i have in my hands, my brains. it'll take a miracle for me to get through promos.

i often questio God if SAJC was the right place for me. regardless of how unsuitable the entire system was for me. yet, at the same time i know that everything that God has given me in this school was placed here to help me carry on. simply because God knows me so well, He knows what i need. what pushes me onwards and what gives me strength. He know what will prevent me from turning back, and He places all that in place. to move forward.

to think here in SFC, i'll have seniors who went through the same thing. who can share with me the wonders that God did in their life. how like them, God will pull me through this round, no matter how impossible it seems.

God, placing me in SFC, in the exco. was all for a reason. and it's giving me a reason to stay on too. without SFC, staying on the SA is meaningless.

and once again, God told me to persevere. He told me that trials come. but persevere on and see. See what comes out of it in the end. yet, time and time again, it sounds so cliche, so impossible. but i can't help but fall flat on my face, crying "GET ME OUT OF THIS SITUATION" "LET ME GO". i remember once when i felt so miserable i wanted to break down right in the middle of the road. and then i felt God asking me if i really wanted to get out. He told me He was willing to let me go. simply because it pained Him to see me feel so hurt and hopeless, so down and out. and because of that, i wanted to stay. i owe Him too much. and because of that love. i wanted to stay and give what i could give.

often than not, they last for only a short while. and then they die off. and i get down again.

as i sat in the library studying organic chem for the gazillionth time and i thought i finally mastered it. i took out my TYS and tried to do the very first MCQ question. and i realised i couldn't. i tried the second and i couldn't. i felt so down, so demoralised. and then i heard in a gentle voice. so loving, so supportive. and it said "don't give up gloria. don't give up. i'm here with u. let's go through this together." it didn't come once. or twice. because everytime i wanted to give up again. it said "i'm here with u. i'm doing it with u. u can do it." it gave me a strange sort of strength to carry on. hope when all seemed hopeless.

that very same day, even though i've been so far away from Him. He called me back. and He brought out this oh so familiar story, on the shepherd and the lost sheep. my qt wasn't meant to be on that section, but because i misread the list of verses, i ended up there. reading what God wanted to say to me. "He sought me. when i was so unworthy...." and i finally understood that song, felt that song. "i love u gloria. regardless of what u cannot do." and i remembered once again, the words He said through a pastor's mouth. He said "Gloria, you're special to me. I see how you love me and want to serve me. but u're special. i don't need u to serve me, because u're special to me" that was what He told me in the beginning of the year. when i felt so strongly about what God wanted to do in SA through me. but it all died down..it all died down...and i let Him down once again, but still...He loves me all the same.

here i state, with as little as i have in my hands, my "not-even-5-loaves-and-2-fishes" but rather, just breadcrumbs. i give it to Him and say. Do a miracle today. u decide my future.

people. if i get through my promos. it's not me. it's God. regardless of whether or not i just scrap tru. cos i know, with what i have...it's even below getting UUUUUUUUUUUUUU for all my subjects.

caught FORBIDDEN CITY and Flu buggie.

there are 2 things that i just caught

1. the forbidden city
YEPS. I CAUGHT THE FORBIDDEN CITY!!!! COOL RIGHT??
all thanks to joel nah who is part of the production crew, we got GREAT seats at a DISCOUNTED PRICE =) and there we were, my brother, his friend and myself, sitting on the first floor in this COOL PRIVATE BOX. just the 3 of us. and this...errr..sad lonely guy who had an accent. hahaha. man. that was the best thing. with no head blocking me, i had complete full view.

i LOOOOVVVVVVEEEE musicals. must find a boyfriend who likes such stuff too so we can go watch these shows together =D i never watched something so comfortable in my entire life. anyway, the show was great. i feel so inspired to go join the crew and perform in such stuff. it looks oh so fun and stuff =D AWESOME man i tell u.

there's this weird sense of pride in me for them. it must be so much fun during rehearsals, though tough and all, but still fun. perhaps i'll go into such stuff...haha.. one problem. i can't sing or dance. an i have problems memorising things. so perhaps my dreams and ----- (dashed) =(

anyway... the second thing i caught is...the flu bug.
yeah. something i dun wanna catch, but i do like the sexy voice it brings. hahahahaha. nice nasal low voice...ooooo =)







back to bio. mitosis and meiosis.
just as how they split the cells, it's splitting my brain cells into half...WHOOO more brain cells...not =)





anyway. here;s something i got from the bio moodle...

screwed up life

it sucks when u have studied and yet within a short span of a few days. or even a few hours, and u can barely remember what u studied. u understand how things work, the processes and all. yet. when it comes down to doing the questions in the TYS. all of a sudden all the options in the MCQ looks foreign and the question seems to be speaking in a totally different language all of a sudden.

i wonder if it's because i'm just too lazy to use my brain or isit really because my brain, like my height, is pretty much lower than others. hmm...

was on my way to school for consultation when i met the 2 students from poly. caught a glimpse of their ez-link card - lo and behold. nanyang poly. sigh.

i like the fact that poly starts later than JC. i like the way things work there. i'd rather work late into the night doing projects. the way i used to in secondary school for ARC. than sit down and study and feel so discouraged i start to wonder what the true meaning to my life is.

why do we have to run after academic achievements??? why can't we sit back and just enjoy what we have?

perhaps we're so miserable because our eyes only focus on our problems.

i'm screwing up my life. someone pls take away that stupid screwdriver so i can't screw up further. =(

Gloverbs 27:9

backache, headache...ouch...i always knew studying was bad for health.

at this rate, i'm gonna be so hunched by the time i'm 9786 years old (like i ever will live up till then), i'll be so hunched, my chin will by touching my knees when i walk. (if i can even walk at that age). and then...i'll just grow shorter and shorter.

"blessed are the descendants of gloria
for cheap is her coffin
which is the size of her cupboard drawer."
Gloverbs 27:9

my words of wisdom. HARHAR. like i have any...HOHO.

stress is bad.

slacker

i can't wait for the promos to end...RAGHZZ........this exam thingy is killing me. stifling my growth...no wonder i'm short!!!!!!!!

i can't wait to kill my brains with youtube videos, go out cycling, whatever....

and the irony is i wish the exams wouldn't come so soon cos i need to study. yet.. wish it would be overrrrrrrrrrr........

yes...i shall start planning for my retirement.

man. i'm such a slacker. =)

OH YA BRUDDERS!!!!!!!!!

when are ur exams over??? WANNA CATCH UP?? stuff ourselves silly and slack at novita's hse with hippo and go high with our lameness that we all miss terribly????????????? HOW'S THAT?!?!?!?!??!

curiosity kills the cat

it's all human's fault that we have to study so much.

when God created the Earth, everything was simple. it's only because of us humans that make everything complicated. from molecules to atoms, right down to the electrons and protons. we even make what was right and wrong so complicated that now the moral values of this world is so mixed up, making it harder for us to live our lives.

i must confess i'm one of those people. i'm one of those people who can't remember anything unless i completely understand it. as we all know, our current syllabus is alot to study. yet, it doesn't fully cover all that we need to know. everything is so general, that u just have to accept it as it is and simply memorise it. i can't do that. i need to ask and know and find out how it works so i can remember.

i'm the type of student that teachers hate. as much as i'm encouraged to ask questions, i often end up stumping the teachers with my questions because they themselves have never thought of it before. in the end, they just tell me to accept it as it is and just...MUG. ah wellz. i make life difficult. as the saying goes, curiosity kills the cat...and i add, "and the students, and the teachers, and the scientists etc etc etc. most importantly, the brain." Gloria's words of stupidity =)

sigh....i always knew the education system was flawed. HAHAHAHAHAHA. =)

back to my new international friends from BIO LAND =). introducing my new jap friend - mr OKAZAKI =) as well as HELICASE my hebrew friend and POLYMERASE my...errr..poly friend? hahaha.

amazing God

the previous week passed so quickly. too quickly in fact. if it wasn't so close to the exam period, i would have been celebrating. but now, now that the promos are inching or rather..kilometering towards me, it's really scary how time passes so quickly and u'll wish it'll just stop and let u study until u are confident that you'll ace your exams. it's been a tiring week as well, homework, extra classes, tests, re-tests, consultation, PW etc etc. with an average of 4-5 hours of sleep, sometimes 2 hrs, sometimes just 1 hr. amazingly, God sustained me, kept me going, and i thank Him for morning worship, where i get my strength from Him. =)

God works in His wonderful ways. Ways we do not understand, simply because the world's ways are against His.

On monday, 11 sept, ominous as the date was already, we had a drama going on within my class. dave suffered from a fit halfway through mondays lecture. i got the shock of my life, sitting next to him when of a sudden he started gagging, falling over his chair, and shaking all over, teeth biting the lecture chair till he bled, making weird growling snarling noises. it traumatised everyone, yet in a "you-can-call-me-sadistic" sense, it was all for the good.

During that period of fear, we saw another side to ms de silva, my monster fishball eyed teacher. her usual sarcastic, scary monster side of her disappeared, and out appeared a totally different side of her - motherly, gently, loving. we never saw that side of her before, and it made us realise that she really wasn't that bad.

We saw how different guys in our class, as annoying as some can get, how quiet they are till they somehow always blend into the background of passing faces, rose out of the occasion, being calm in the midst of chaos, doing everything they should - calling teachers, calling ambulance, some even holding on to dave to prevent him from hurting himself etc. Heroes of the day.

I saw how the christians in our class united, praying in faith to God to help Dave. and in a way, it has encouraged me to be more open about my faith in God, to be bold and talk about Him. Saw the potential of bringing the christians closer to God through encouragements, perhaps even, a class cell....

the incident made the class more united. made us realise that we do care for one another, even though we often made fun of each other, get annoyed etc. Seeing how we kept checking with one another to see if we were ok, how some of the girls huddled together crying, how we comforted one another through hugs, words, prayer, smses etc.

perhaps God showed Dave that as much as he felt no one cared, people did. the class did, SFC did, so does the teachers, principal etc. one thing has changed - our attitude towards dave. perhaps we are afraid of the incident repeating, though i highly doubt so. still, we are now more tolerant, more accepting towards him, and that is good. =)

best of all, what happened to Dave open opportunities to talk about God, to bring not just non-believers to know Him, but also to bring believers closer to Him. Because Dave was a christian, some of the unbelievers in class thought it was a spiritual attack. questions regarding spirital attack were asked, explanations were made, more questions, more explanations. one thing led to the other, and in a span of a few days, i had many opportunities to talk to my classmates about God, even though i wasn't close to. they simply came up to me and asked me about it. I was really encouraged by all that is happening, glad to know that my friends will get to know Him and one day, enter this family of mine as well.

Thank You God =)

One question that KeeWei asked made me think : "why do u believe so strongly in God? what convicts u so deeply about His existance??? why do u christians worship your God so passionately??"

I didn't know how to explain, but as i was listening to songs, this song did..and it fits what i wanted to say..

Everything to me by Avalon (we sang this during life concert 2006)

I grew up in sunday school
I memorized the golden rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free (sinner free).
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that lead him up on Calvary

But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say,
But I'll never be the same because
He changed my life when He became'?

(Chorus)
Everything to me! (everything to me)
He's more than a story (more than a story)
More than words on a page of history.
He's the air that I breathe, (air that I breathe)
The water I thirst for, (water I thirst for)
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything, everything to me! (Ahhh, Ooooh, Ahhh, Ooooh)

(Verse 2 - Up one chord)
We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that I'm
Aware of just how fragile life can be.
I want to tell the world I found
The love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see.
Now everyday I'm praying
Just to give my heart away (to give away my life)
I want to live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that He is'?

(Chorus)
Everything, everything (ev'rything to me)
He's more than a story (to me)
More than words on a page of history
(The air that I breathe) He's the air that I breathe (air that I breathe)
The water I thirst for (water I thirst for)
And the ground beneath my feet
Oh, He's everything! (Oh , He's everything!)

And looking back over my life at the end
(I'm going to be) I'll go to meet you saying you've been

(Refrain)
You're everything to me (ohhhh)
More than a story (ohhh)
(More than) More than words on a page of history (history) (history)

(Chorus - Up one chord)
You're everything to me! (everything to me)
You're more than a story (more than a story)
More than words on a page of history.
You're the air that I breathe (the air that I breathe)
The water I thirst for (thirst for)
And the ground beneath my feet
You're (everything) everything! Lord, You're everything to me!
(Everything to me) (The Water I thirst for)
You're everything to me, Jesus! Ohhhh!
(Everything to me) (Water I thirst for)
The Air I breathe, the Sun I see Ohhhh!
(Everything to me) Everything to me!
You're my Life, my Love, Everything.

pasar malams

my younger brother and his friends are just weird...

you know you're living in a highly digital age when....

you hear your younger brother arranging to meet up with his friend in some town in the pokemon game :S


no kidding. and oddly, he's speaking in IM language. smth that has never happened in my family before =S

anyway, i love PASAR MALAMS. at least, not when they are super crowded with lots of people short people like me have no Oxygen to feed our cells. i like how there's so many food stalls in one entire row with so much cheap food calling out to u. the best thing is. once u satisfy your cravings...you stop eating. i dunno why. pasar malam food makes u feel sick after u eat it. which is really good. cos it makes sure i dun overeat HAHAHAHAHAHA. i'm really wonderin what will happen if i ever go on a Fast. yea. it'll FAST be over too. haha

anyway, i feel accomplished today. i've felt so focused on my work in the midst of so much distractio and noise. honestly, the worship and prayer worked wonders. i realised i work best when my spirit is calm and quiet and still. only then can i be focused. YEAPS =))) Thank God for His help =)

cool test

the Romantic
Thanks for taking the test !

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
  
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
  
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
  
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
  
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four

• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
  
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
  
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
  
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
  
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
  
• having aesthetic sensibilities
  
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four

• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
  
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
  
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
  
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
  
• expecting too much from myself and life
  
• fearing being abandoned
  
• obsessing over resentments
  
• longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often

• have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
  
• are very sensitive
  
• feel that they don't fit in
  
• believe they are missing something that other people have
  
• attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
  
• become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
  
• feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents

• help their children become who they really are
  
• support their children's creativity and originality
  
• are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
  
• are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
  
• are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

man. that was REALLY accurate. i knew i was uniquely romantic...even if i've been romantic before becos there's no one to be romantic to. haha.

the school holidays ain't holiday. considering that i have to return to school 4 out of 5 days. and clock in 25 hrs of studying. which is HIGHLY impossible. i sincerely believe that i am the most unproductive person in the entire room. out of 2 days, i only studied introduction to organic chem, alkanes, alkene, isomerism and arenes, and i can barely remember anything. GREAT.

i feel GREATLY encouraged by my studying. and on top of that, i still have to crash in studying for tmr's bio mock SPA, DNA and Genomics, Eukaryotic Genome tutorial, understand what on earth Maclaurin's (stupid) series is all about (haha. invented by Gland) and PW. bah bah bah. my academics is beyond hope.

if God can save the queen. God pls save me too.

PROness of exams

time flies. it's SO fast. before i know it, next year i'll be cramming my brain with stuff for my As =( then again, i can't wait for it all to be over.

teacher's day celebration was fun. i missed meeting up with my brudders from IJ. we FINALLY had a complete gathering with every single person there. it so happened that they all came dressed in their IJ pinafores, except me and clarissa. apparently novita thought i was too busy to wear it =S ah wellz. it's ok. seeng them in the oh-so-familiar IJ uniform really brought back LOADS of GOOD memories. sigh.....yes. i really do miss the times we spent together.

the mass messenging met wishing him happy teachers day in the exact same format etc was really hilarious, with us lying to met that we weren't together. haha. and in the end we sent him an MMS of the group of us in MOS burger holding a sign saying "GOTCHA" and smiling at him. then there's the being totally deprived children at kiddy palace making a fool of ourselves, googoo-ing and gaga-ing at the beautiful and cool toys that kids nowadays get to enjoy. yes. we were being kids again. haha =)

when su hui sends me the photos, i'll put them up =) YEAPS.

as for now, my focus turns to preparation for the PROmos so that i can get PROmoted. However, i am currently facing PROblems getting PROmoted. thus, i need to study and PROceed with my studying so that there is some PROgress in my work. and despite all the many years of exams, people may think they are already so PRO at it. if i dun get through this, i'll be PROnounced dead. yes.

sadly, despite all that PRO ness, i still feel pretty ANTI exams. hmm...