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yay. its finally friday. tgif =)

i love fridays. it marks the end of the week and the beginning of the weekends =) loveliness

my cell in SFC is so big. it seems like the entire SFC JC1 population is in my cell =S it's so big it's hard to hear one another. yep. it's THAT bad. i'm not sure if it'll stay that way, but i hope changes will be made. if not the other JC1s in the other groups will be well...alone after the j2s leave.

thanksgiving was good, and we got to remember and relive the life concert. what we're thankful of and how God worked. indeed life concert was something that impacted my walk with God. without it..i think i'll be in depression right now. i hope those suicidal thoughts will never return.

anyway. i think it's so exciting thinking that God says it;s only the beginning of the revival. can u imagine? if such amazing things has happen already...can u imagine what else can happen??? it'll be cool if we can reach out and impact the entire nation =) way cool =)

i feel to lazy to study...lalallaa

By faith. not by sight

"Mister God, where are you?" that was what i asked God yesterday. and today, He replied. "I'm here beside you. all the time. watching you quietly."

i was disappointed and lost without God the past few days. having QTs that were just like caleb's --> quantity and not quality. i wondered if i lost God or smth.

well, this morning at morning worship, God reassured me. The song we sang spoke clearly. I was reminded of all the things God did for me, and i believed that wherever He was, i'll find Him again =)

i had thought things were for the better...until maths tutorial. we got back our test. the one on inequality. i think i gotten the last in class. i failed. such a simple test. yet i failed. i had studied, practiced my maths, re-do my tutorial to ensure i knew my stuff. YET i failed. i didnt even make the "you still can make it" mark set by mdm ang. all around me, there were people whining aloud about the number of careless mistakes they made. how they could have gotten 8 out of 10 or even full marks. and i felt all the more worse. i wondered what was the point of studying and practising when even after doing so, i still screw up and fail. i found everything that i did meaningless. saw myself as useless. i wanted to cry. to tear my paper into pieces, run out of class, out of school. and kill myself. throughout the entire maths lesson, i felt miserable. in my head....i only had suicidal thoughts. the only thing that held me back was God. it was the only thing i had to hold on to.

the thoughts slowly disappeared, especially after PE and all.

i got back my GP essay. i thought i would have flunked it or smth. get like the lowest in class once again or smth. my essays were never strong. my language never powderful. i knew my essay just sucked. i caught a glimpse of my name written on ms sin's paper and i was worried sick. i was wondering if i had done really badly such that she wanted to see me or smth. i was of course shocked to find that i had the highest score among my peers for the question i did. i don't know what ms sin saw in my essay, but i was shocked.

it all didn't occur to me until i reached home to do my QT.

God finally explained everything to me. all that "unfruitful" QT and worship sessions. He was trying to teach me to walk by faith and not by sight. that was why He "disappeared". i realised how little i knew Him or even trust in Him. how i panicked when He was gone just goes to show that i do not know Him well enough to trust that He'll never forsake me. in a way. i felt both ashamed and happy at the same time. ashamed because of how i had doubted God. yet happy to know that God had never left me, and that He's still there for me.

i saw that my academics didn't matter. not that i should start failing everything, but that i should do my best to glorify His name. i had expected to do well for the maths test based on my own efforts. come to think of it, i'll probably claim all the credit, thinking that the reason why i did well was due to how i studied and worked. GP essay on the other hand, i tried my best and just gave it to God, cos i knew that no matter what, only a miracle can make me score a high grade. and a miracle it was.

now i know. God is with me. By faith. not my sight =)

=(

i'm in a bad mood. sheesh. hear me rant..

i've been in a bad mood lately, and everything that happens, i take it in a way that it is working against me. gee...am i optimistic.

for one - it seems that the friendships i'm having in school aren't real. they aren't the in-depth one, where true friendship exists. i find myself doubting whether we are friends, when i find myself jealous over them, disgusted by their behaviour, or simply find that i just don';t belong in the group. i feel so lost.

secondly, i don't see myself going very far staying in a JC. important subjects like project work and general paper are like the worst subjects. i hate it and have simply no interest whatsoever to do it. i just don't see a point in it. RAGH. and it's annoying that everyone seems to get the bestest grades....EXCEPT you. joy =

and lastly, but most importantly, i think i'm lost. i thought all my problems would be diminished in the presence of God. It will. problem is. where's God? unlike the seniors who say they are playing hide and seek with God, i on the other hand feel that i have wandered away from the narrow and right path, to one that is broad. i feel trapped in darkness, unsure of what is to come. i see nothing in front of me. nothing at all. and there seems to be no future.

i still do my quiet times. but now they really are quiet. all i hear is silence. and i hate it. where is that loving and comforting voice i once knew? where has it gone???? i'm falling apart without u. i know u're still there cos u're the everlasting God. i know u're watching me from u are. but...where are u???????

perhaps this silence is to relight the hunger for Him within me. perhaps this is just a test to see how faithful and trusting i am in Him. i don't know. but at least i know for sure right now. my life is worthless without Him. God...pick me up before i;m unsavable and dead in the clutches of Satan. yes. it's that serious.

Dear Mister God. if you can hear me. please answer me. please. Love Gloria

What people think of me

we did some "what your friends think of you" exercise in ME class today. haha. i love ME classes. it's STRESS FREE and it's a chance for u to be motivated and encouraged. hhahaa. it's fun reading what people write about u. of course, since we don't really know each other well enough yet, all our comments are well..naturally....superficial. nonetheless, it was fun reading it. all that comments on how i rock, am cute, am cool, should join drama etc is nonetheless encouraging still and makes my day a little happier on a sad and gloomy monday where everyone seems to have the blues. minus keewei of course...who was mad today. haha...

meanwhile, while my brain recovers from the horrible mugging of bio test (to my great delight was MCQ and not essay test, but to my great dismay i think i still managed to screw it up), i have to get it started up for antony and cleopatra. it's weird how the exact same teacher can make u feel happy and encouraged and yet depressedly stressed at the same time. thanks dr chua! haha. i still love her. she's a really good lit teacher. thank God =)

tough life, yet God is there

ahaha. congrats yvonne. you made your way to my blog =)))

blah. my flashboard still doesnt work. darn it. ah wellz.

JC life is TOUGH. so many times i feel like giving up and i wonder why on earth did i stupidly place SAJC as my first choice and not nanyang poly. (it's not that i hate SA or anything. i love it. i just hate the education system) i end up cussing and swearing in my heart, and it is so discouraging when u study and still screw up ur tests and all due to nerves. a problem i seriously need to overcome.

yet, God is often there to comfort me and to reassure me.

i remember how i felt so lonely that day, and i was wondering whether i had lost all my friends in this new school, wondering what i did that would cause them to be angry. i felt upset and annoyed, but it all became better in the end. that day, the QT passage was exactly on friendship and it was really reasurring to know that even if all my friends abandon me, i still have Him =) it felt as if that passage was there specially for me. heehee. i'm SPECIAL =)

somehow, everything that i've been going through, all the stuff that God has been teaching me seems to be leading me somewhere. where that is i have completely no idea. in a way, it is both exciting and scary. i haven't gotten baptised though. but i know for sure i'm never turning back and i'm following Him down the difficult and narrow path. but it's worth it. no turning back....no turning back =)

i want to continue growing in Him, to know him better and all. and to really live a life solely for Him. and to know, that when i sing songs that say i solely live for Him, i truly mean it and live it out.

today's QT's right. to live is Christ and to die is gain. =) both ways...i gain. nananeepoopoo.

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randomness...
i believe i;m getting OLD....i'm having an acheing back...bah...might be the carrying of my bag. or the continuus slouching in class and lecture theatre. oh no....i'm old.......... =(((

beautiful story

After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a courthouse. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous-looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemedso familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in fullflowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved acrosstheroom. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies I told,things I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions once in my life and the more he spoke,the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed, I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins even I completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I know I was guilty of those things, but I did some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all I have charged and there is not a person who can proveotherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan,and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking,Iwas able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying this man sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so this person might have eternal life and he accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,"There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all." The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down.

The following words bellowed from His lips... "This man is free The penalty for him was already paid in full. Case dismissed" As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "Iwon't give up, I will win the next one."I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next,"Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that comes to Me and asked Me to represent them, received the same verdict as you, "PAID IN FULL."
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i received this story in an email from cornelius and decided it was a nice story to share. dun u think so?? my story is in the next entry if u haven't read it =)

love God - my testimony - rededication and salvation

i love my God more than anything else in the world =)

WITHOUT GOD, I CANNOT.
WITHOUT ME, GOD WILL NOT.

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i have realised through all my years of being a christian that the more time u spend with God, the larger He becomes. the more amazing He gets and the more part of your life He becomes. and bit by bit, you are changed to be more like Him. even if u dun realise.

through my sharing with su hui and debby in easter outreach today, i realised how the position of God in my life has changed. God is now promoted to God of my life. i also realised how it in turn affects my character and actions and priorities as well.

here's my story....

although i was born in a christian family and grew up going to church, i was never a christian. Christianity isn't a religion. rather, it's a relationship shared between one and God. for throughout the entire first 12 years of my life, i never understood or experienced what it meant.

To be honest, when i was young, i couldn't feel God's presence or His love. i felt that no one in the world loved me and i hated the situation i was in. i would cry myself to sleep at times and ask God why all that was happening to me. there were even times where i wanted to kill myself or run away from home. yet, i didn't due to fear. and for that, i thank God.

it is because of this experience, that when i finally felt God's love for me that i was really drawn to Him. I made a decision in sec 1 to truly follow Him, but it wasn't taken seriously. i went to youth service regularly due to the friends i had there. as i started drifting away from my friends in sec 2, i lost the reason to going down for youth service. i stopped. and back slided. i kept using ARC as an excuse to not go for service. yet, in my heart, i knew the real reason. at the end of sec 3 in a camp, God came and touch me, healing me of the hurts and pains. i rededicated my life to Him then and in the start of Sec 4, i made the choice to really follow Him and to grow in Him.

during the past few years, there have been many ups and downs, but God has really revealed Himself to me during this period. through reading the bible, spending time with Him and his people, conferences and even serving Him. it's an amazing experience in which i would willingly give up everything else to have MORE of it.

You may not understand all these things that i have typed, but it is really only when u have experienced these things that u can really understand how valuable God is.
getting to experience all these is just making a decision.

if you're a christian already and you're not satisfied with your relationship with God, make this decision to grow in God today. Tell God you have decided to make that decision to follow Him all your life and pray that He will reveal Himself to you, that you may understand and know Him better. Admit that you have strayed and sinned against Him and ask for forgiveness and help from Him to persevere through the hardships of making this decision (to follow God is to pick up your cross and follow him and to totally surrender yourself to Him). it's definitely not easy, cos i this world there's alot of forces that will go against the right things.

if you're a non christian and u wish to have God in our life, just say a simple prayer
"God, I know that I am a sinner. I know that I deserve the consequences of my sin. However, I am trusting in Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe that His death and resurrection provided for my forgiveness. I trust in Jesus and Jesus alone as my personal Lord and Savior. Thank you Lord, for saving me and forgiving me! Amen!"

there. i think i should stop. i have no idea why i did this entry. i just felt like it. anyway. if any of you felt touched or u responded (be it rededicating your life to God again or accepting God as your saviour), it'll be nice to leave me a tag at my tagboard so i can know and maybe do a follow up with you and just pray for you =)

God Bless you =)

life concert 2006

the day started off well, morning worship was GREAT. we were all so excited to see what God had in store for us on that very special day =) naturally, praying that God's presence would be so strong and real was easy cos it was the cry of our hearts =) it was super refreshing =)

school on the other hand was horrible. pe sucked. i was seriously demoralised by my fitness level. not that i had always thought i was super fit and all, but i felt terribly embarassed by my low level. still, my classmates really cheered me on. ALL THANKS TO ESTHER BEH, YINXI and KEEWEI who ran SLOWLY with me and even sang songs to encourage me (i believe they have extra lungs to do so). GP was horrid too, considering how i fared for the readings quiz. it wasn;t as if i didn;'t do my readings. i DID. just that i could barely remember the stuff i read. =( and i found out i had the lowest in class as well cos Ms Sin had just so conveniently shared with the whole class. boo.

the day seemed to get worse and i was seriously squeezed dry of oxygen and energy. it felt as if the entire world was lacking of evergy from 1.5 m above sea level and below. the only time i could BREATHE was when i tiptoed. HAHAHAHA. somehow...i went abit hyper shortly after. maybe it was due to the lack of oxygen. i don't know.
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one thing i know for sure. life concert is definitely an event i'll remember in SAJC and for the rest of my entire life =) through serving in SFC, Life Concert, God has truly taught me alot of things =)

through your service, God will grow your attitudes. seeing all your hard work that you put in, you understand more about the goals of the event. you feel the heartbeat of the event --> save the lost, introduce God into people's lives =) and then, when everyone feels the same way, we are united as one body of christ, sharing a common goal =)

if i hadn;t serve, i wouldn't have witness the strong passion and love that the christians in school had for God. i had started drifting away due to the overwhelming workload. yet, seeing their passion and love for God continued to encourage me and got me back on my two feet on the right path with God again. (what would i do without God's guidance???)

i wouldn't have learnt the importance of every single small job each and every one of us had.be it ushering, projection, band crew, sound crew, lights crew etc. it may seem like a pathetic little job, but through it, God uses our service and put everything together. BUT, even as we acknowledge ur importance, we must be humble, recognising that we are merely tools that God is using for His great plan. and even if the event succeeds, we have to give God the glory for it and not claim the glory for ourselves.

oh. and whichever role God placed you in, it's for a purpose. being placed to do projection, it's harder to worship God cause you constantly have to pay attention to everything that's going on, making sure you change to the correct slides on time. still, doing projection meant being in front and being able to see everything that is going on, witnessing the amount of people that responded to the alter calls (which is highly encouraging =) )

plus, neither would i have learnt the importance of prayer. how powerful prayer can be. the mentor rob taught me alot during dinner. His words impacted me and seriously changed my impression of prayer. prayer is seriously important. through this life concert, we truly see how God answers our prayers and it's JUST AMAZING! in fact, a small prayer is so powerful such that it can change the entire TOWN because of just that small faith (a puny size of a mustard seed....which is....eerrr..puny) from then on, i have followed his example, praying that God will speak and change the life of the next person who is going to step on hte ground that i step, the seat that i sit and even the toilet cubicle i used. after hearing the testimonies that rob has shared, i'm amazed at the faith that i'm gained through all these small prayers. it may seem stupid, but when you get to heaven, ask God what happened, and you'll be amazed =)

I also learnt that God can work MIRACLES!!!
you see, sam and i were going mad over the preparation of the projection, and it so happened that things started to screw up. we panicked like crap. i mean, the projector only showed like a portion of the entire page. so like the lyrics were cut from the side and all. and we were seriously SCARED. so yvonne, sam and i prayed like mad. we were crossing our fingers, toes, eyes and everything else we can cross (..haha. ok. im kidding) we managed to adjust the screen to the best possible fit, but within a few minutes of the start of the concert, it auto-adjusted and it became screwed up again. even while the concert was going on, it kept screwing up. i decided that i should stop worrying and believe that God will do a miracle and make it perfect...and GUESS WHAT?!??! when i did stop worrying, the things auto adjusted and it became PERFECT. better than before and it remained that way till the end of the concert. HALLELUJAH!

another miracle was how God packed like more than a thousand people in the CC. it's just amazing! i mean, people from other JCs came as well, and even people without tickets JUST CAME. the place was PACKED like MAD. the aisles were occupied, and that's not even considering the crew that's involved in life concert. way cool right?!??! im not sure how many people were present, but it was something that God had placed on not just my heart, but the seniors as well. God reminded us about how he managed to feed the 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. likewise, God can overcome the physical barriers of the CC and pack in more than the amount of peope we could pack =)

COOL EH????

seeing yinxi and mel respond was seriously heart warming. when my eye caught them, i was so happy i wanted to cry. i din understand either, but all i could say was lke "HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!" i was praising God like mad. Yinxi's now a christian, while mel rededicated her life again to God =)

the statistics were out, we had 8 salvations, 20 + rededications, 3 indicated to know more about Christ, and still counting =)

seriously, i never prayed so heart and believed in something so strongly before. i believe all the hard work everyone had put in was truly worth it. God's position in lifes restored, healings took place, lives were changed, faiths were grown, friendships were forged. it was the most BEAUTIFUL way to end the day.

somehow, there's so much more to say. i just have no idea how to put it all down in words.

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shout outs:

God. thank you for all the support, guidance and miracles you've done, proving your greatness, mightiness etc to us =) no words can describe what you've done EXACTLY for us. nor can any word describe how amazing you are =)

Yvonne. for being such a fun senior to be with, being a source of comfort and friend =) you have no idea how much i appreciate you man!

Caleb. as much as you keep insulting me about my height, i don't take any offence. your non-stop lameness and retardedness never fail to cheer people up and keep spirits high. THANK YOU SO MUCH =)

Anna and Ron - for teaching me the importance of prayer

for all my friends that came- thanks for taking the first step to come for this event. i hope it really changed your life =)