=(

i'm in a bad mood. sheesh. hear me rant..

i've been in a bad mood lately, and everything that happens, i take it in a way that it is working against me. gee...am i optimistic.

for one - it seems that the friendships i'm having in school aren't real. they aren't the in-depth one, where true friendship exists. i find myself doubting whether we are friends, when i find myself jealous over them, disgusted by their behaviour, or simply find that i just don';t belong in the group. i feel so lost.

secondly, i don't see myself going very far staying in a JC. important subjects like project work and general paper are like the worst subjects. i hate it and have simply no interest whatsoever to do it. i just don't see a point in it. RAGH. and it's annoying that everyone seems to get the bestest grades....EXCEPT you. joy =

and lastly, but most importantly, i think i'm lost. i thought all my problems would be diminished in the presence of God. It will. problem is. where's God? unlike the seniors who say they are playing hide and seek with God, i on the other hand feel that i have wandered away from the narrow and right path, to one that is broad. i feel trapped in darkness, unsure of what is to come. i see nothing in front of me. nothing at all. and there seems to be no future.

i still do my quiet times. but now they really are quiet. all i hear is silence. and i hate it. where is that loving and comforting voice i once knew? where has it gone???? i'm falling apart without u. i know u're still there cos u're the everlasting God. i know u're watching me from u are. but...where are u???????

perhaps this silence is to relight the hunger for Him within me. perhaps this is just a test to see how faithful and trusting i am in Him. i don't know. but at least i know for sure right now. my life is worthless without Him. God...pick me up before i;m unsavable and dead in the clutches of Satan. yes. it's that serious.

Dear Mister God. if you can hear me. please answer me. please. Love Gloria