tired

arghz. my studies are hopeless. i know nuts about chem and i keep zonking out during lectures. arghz. i'm not designed to study.

in a way, i'm sick of school. i'm so tired of waking up early, trying to understand lectures, struggle through the yucky tutorials. i try to put in my best. the key word is try. and i know i'm not. gee..i'm hopeless.

the ARC blog has finally been updated. man. i dunno, i'm hearing different things from everywhere. some say arc's not in good shape, while others say that the juniors are better than the seniors. which is real good. i reckon i made a really bad pres for ARC. in a way...i could never forgive myself about letting my head get the better of me. i got so scared of stuff that i never confronted it but rather, just ran away.

i suppose it was a big lesson for me to learn about what leadership was all about. my brudders in arc insisted that i was a great leader, but i know myself better. i remember dedicating that position to God, but i started to depend on myself more and more and it all went down from there. arghz. it's all but bad memories, all that leadership. i feel like crap just thinking about it.

i'm really tempted to pon school. but can't. been having SPA and other a level stuffies and meetings. if only i could just go to school for activities. non-examinable stuff that will kill your brain cells.

on a happier tone, i'm getting a step closer to going for OCIP =) now...to get past the selection camp...