issue 1: school life
hasn't been great. i'm starting to slack. oh the horrors. yes. i think i'm going to fail my a maths test. mum's gonna wonder why. my tuition teacher will strangle me. dunno why also. didn't know how to do almost all the questions on the paper. didn't understand what the heck it was asking me la. crap.
was on my way to tuition when i stopped to play with a cat. idiotic students from ftps came with their water bottles pretending they were some police special force and ordered me to surrender. naturally, i ignored such idiots. but they came closer and one of them kicked me and poked me with his water bottle. if it weren't cos i was in school u and cos i didn't know them i would have given them a tight slap and a fist. wth. then they took stones and threw at the cat. ROAR! i could have roAREd at them i tell u. but then again, my courage failed me and i left.
i'm such an idiot. can never stand up for what is right. even in school. people keep cutting my queue and yet i can never stop them. RAH. annoyed ass.
then after tuition took a bus home. felt something weird in my shoe, but thot it was just some part of my sole that came off or smth. but as i walked towards home it felt mushy and all. so i was like crap. dun tell me it's a cockroach. cannot be la. anyway, was quite grossed out so i crossed my fingers and took off my shoe. only to see my socks mushed with weird brown stuff. was like craP...no way. then i saw legs of a roach. noooooooo...shooik my shoe and out came a crushed cockroach. LIKE shit crAP i tell u. was cursing like mad. felt so grossed out i wanted to puke on the spot. oh gross. YUCK!
issue 2;my walk with God
it kinda is going downhill, such that i'm wondering once again whether i love him.
looking at the people in church, sometimes i admire them for having such faith and all. and i wish i could be like them, loving God so much.
some call me the spiritual leader. but i don't think i'm even fit for that title. i don't even dare to pray out loud in public. and when i pray prayers that are long cos there's so many things to pray about, it feels as though i'm like babbling rubbish that God doesn't want to hear. as a christian, i shouldn't be afraid of demons or evil sprits and all, but my mind keeps thinking of such stuff. esp when i try to get back to God. it's scary. like i try closing my eyes. but everytime i do so i see many of those funny things around. and when i open them i keep hallucinating that they are there. it's scary. and i dunno which part of the bible to turn to. all i can do is to cry out to God. hiaz.
thank God for planet shakers. at least their music offer me some hope and they help me express how i feel. God bless them.
issue 3; what the hell do my dreams mean??
i've been having weird dreams. it all started the day after easter.
first dream: was in a war. it was a huge one. i was running around fighting for my dear life with other kids. some older, some younger. and guess what?? i had to take care of them. that was ok i supposed. since i didn't really do much of my job. but i remembered very clearly that i knew no one around me. just running aimlessly. and yet, the people around could be te enemies who were out to kill all of us. i remember being shot in the back, in the front, at my face. i remember feeling blood all over my face. yet it was no pain. weird. i woke up panting. what do u expect??? i've been running the whole night.
second dream: back to life :S
ok. was in this weird multi-storey carpark and savie, delle and some other people were there switching the powers for the carpark or smth. then we realised that there was something wrong and if we din turn the powers off the place was going to explode. so all of us ran in all directions, switching off everything we could find. but when we got back to one place the weird sound still din stop and we realised we forgot about one switch and there was almost no time left. then i noticed the main switch. unfortunately, it was protected by this layer of hard glass. so i took my gun (i had no idea how it appeared) and threw it at the glass. but apparently the glass was too thick and it wouldn't break. then i saw another box with this great heavy metal thingy. it's supposed to be attached to your gun to make it shots more powerful. plus, it's heavier, so i thot it could break the glass. anyway, i got that thingy out and i managed to break the glass of the main switch and switch it off.
was fiddling with the gun when it went off and i accidentally killed my junior. anyway, i was staring in shock at her body and savie and delle came around me and said i shouldn't have done that. and i told them i didn't mean to do it. they started saying i was evil and all. next thing i know, the body was gone, and there was the chalk outline thingy u see in shows after they take the body away. anyway, delle, savie and some other people started drawing the details of the outline. the eyes, etc. and they started colouring it. as i stared in disbelief and shock i saw the eyes move to stare at me. stare with so much hatred and mischief. as if it was out to get my life. i was so damn freaked out. told those colouring to stop and look, but they didn't believe me. it was hard trying to convince them. it looked as though they were possessed or smth. and when they finally realised she was alive, they looked pleased with themselves and pulled her up the ground. she was like this 2d image. flat and drawing like. and slowly she became like a normal person. only with weird coloured eyes (one range and blue thanx to those who were colouring her) and she was all grey and cold. and then i woke up after some other stuff.
i got really freaked out by that dream. couldn't go to the toilet or be alone somewhere and everytime i close my eyes i would be too afraid to open them again.
too lazy to type out each dream. anyway, the next few ones i was like in the army or some battle. and guess who i was with???? all 3 dreams i was with my cg. it;s weird. first was when we were at some chalet thingy. then someone had spiritual attack or smth. then there were demons all over the place and we were trying to get rid of them. it was quite scary. considering the fact that i'm not very strong in my faith and neither can i speak in tongues. anyway, the next was we were having some gathering and i had to book out of army. weird. anyway, another one was we were at some chalet place again. except the place was very run down, and we were collecting our stuff for a battle or smth. i dunno what, but we had t get stuff like guns and all. dun ask me why. i have a weird brain. perhaps it still thinks i'm a guy or smth.
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