i'm missing the life i had in the dorms. 

not the whole messy and disgusting room part, but rather, the constant noise and life around. I miss being able to barge into michelle's room or have people banging at my door, or banging at the walls just to annoy the people in michelle's room. 

i miss having people to talk to when you are down, and having people to rant and complain about your bad day or the things that happened, or share a laugh or even make fun of. 

maybe i'm an extrovert after all...secretly. 

i guess being in the dorm with all the people around never gave me time to think at night or feel empty like i do now. walking home alone, with all the quietness to think and the silence to remind me that no one is around. and yet it's not as though i'm alone. it's like i have close friends all over the place. and that's the problem. they are all over the place. just not where i am. maybe this is how God feels when we ignore Him. 

ah wells. 

i had another weird dream. this time it was something along the lines of a competition, like the amazing race. except you go around and get objects instead. and we were doing very very very well getting the objects until there was a task. and this task had something to do with being in the water and staying underwater. and SOMEHOW...phua chu kang and rosie were there in the middle of the pool, chained to the edges and they would be lowered as time passed and we had to save them or they would drown!! and to do so i had to take their place of being under water to keep them above water. and we all know how i hate being underwater. i like being able to breathe thank you very much. so i obviously refused and every dip into the water lasted only 1 second or less and it was a painful moment that felt like forever. 

needless to say, i got dissed by everyone in my team for being such a selfish coward jerk. :'(

our next segment was cooking and with everyone still angry at me for refusing to suffocate underwater, everyone ignored me and refused to let me participate. anyhows, i thought i would help so i turned down the fire abit thinking it was for another part of the stove. next thing i knew the prawn in the pot came alive and tried to escape. NEEDLESS TO SAY...everyone panicked. next thing you knew the other animals in the pot came alive too and tried to escape. we had a screaming cockatoo trying to fly out of a pot of boiling water followed closely by a pigeon or some sort of bird. and mind u...they had their feathers on still. 

it was honestly rather disturbing. 

oh brain...u are one strange strange creature.