Today's TF was quite pathetic. My cell group comprised of the 2 cell grp leaders and 2 members - cheryl and myself. After all that talk there's something weighing very heavily on my heart :(

It's been half a year already and still our cell group has made no progress. we keep trying to change things, fix things but it feels like we just keep trying and nothing gets acheived. I haven't had a proper cell group in a very long time, except for the time shaun ong came to do bible study with us. I feel cell group time has been such a waste of time cos everyone just keeps talking among themselves and nothing productive ever gets done. it's not even called cell group time for goodness sake. it's just hanging out/stoning. I miss the times where cell group was full of passion and hunger to just grow. I miss the times in cell group where we really sought the Lord and supported one another. URGHZZZZ...

i'm very exaperated. not annoyed. exasperated cos i wish i could do something about it but i just feel so helpless. I wish our cell group can be all settled before i leave Singapore. ahh..the burden of the cell group is so heavy i just wish to break down and cry and pray and cry out loud to the Lord. Just to intercede and all....i feel like exploding.

!@#$% URGHHHH GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :

still..despite all that...i'm happy for it because i know now my heart is once again soft to the Lord and i can serve Him better.