i just came back from my relative's hse (quite a close relative...but not sure how to call him). his wife just gave birth. so mum dragged us to his house to visit them. ah wellz. i dun understand wad's the big fuss. i'd rather wait for a few months then go visit. hasn't past experiences taught u that new born babies are terribly ugly?? and people lie and say awww..they are so cute. my foot.
babies are scary creatures. to me that is. they're ugly and fragile and they cry loudly. they look better asleep. but some look so still they look dead. which is scary as well. =S i wonder if i were afraid of myself when i was young. heh.
today started off pretty cool. i mean hey. first time in my entire life, i woke up and immediately after washing up and i read the bible. COOL eH?? the whole week's pretty much on commitment and like being blessed when u're righteous and all. was pretty excited about yf cos it was on spiritual warfare. but lo and behold. God didn't want ps dave to speak on that topic. instead, God wanted to talk about being blessed by him. i wonder what God is trying to tell me this time..hmm..quick guess!!!
we read Galations today. on sins and fruits of the spirit. seriously, looking at all the 9 fruits i feel that i have a problem with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM oh boy. i dun understand how anything can be the worst in your life. they all seem pretty much interlink for me. well.. for me. it's either all or none. cos once i see one weak point all the other weak points come. so YAY ...i am such an inperfect loser. hah. weird. i feel perfectly happy about that. happy happy joy joy. we also talked about confessing your sins to others. yes..i just said a taboo word "SIN" everybody scream run away. or u loser. u can easily click the X at the right hand corner of the screen to get it away from you. but hey. u can never escape from it. i'm a sinner, you're a sinner. HEY..we're Quits! (not really actually. u're __________ and i'm gloria. )
i realised when i was home that hey..the only time i am able to open up to someone is when they somehow earned my trust. i haven't exactly found that person for the time being. wait..did i ever find someone? i know there's many people out there willing to lend me a listening ear or wadeva. but if i'm not on that level with u on sharing or not simply in the mood. sorry dude. i'll just say i'm ok. yea. i'm cool =)
sometimes i leave yf feeling shitty. many a times i want to open up and find a true friend whom i trust and can be accountable to. haven't found one so far. so i'm basically counting on God and cg, which pretty much isn't strong but it's better than nothing. dun misunderstand. i love my cg. i'm happy with it. perhaps the reason why i'm not opening up or showing who i am is cos i haven;t found out which one of my fronts are my real character. or maybe i just dunno how to socialise. yes arc members. laugh. gloria unable to socialise??? hah. big joke. perhaps it's the trust among us. i dunno. one thing i know for sure. it's way easier for me to type my thoughts/write them down rather than talk. it's hard to talk. i tend to mumble. dunno. too much saliva or sumthing. plus.it's tiring to open your mouth wide to talk and enounciate your words properly.
ahh...wadeva.
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