whoa

was just about to ramble about how confused i am and write a depressed entry like i did yest. only this time mine would be angsty and all cos that is how i feel rite now. but i saw the newly arrival devotion book. it's for june, but the title's of each devotion seems to be speaking to me. i wanted to save those for other days so at least i'll have something to spur me on in doing my qt. so i tried sourcing for this month's issue. but i looked true my yearly one first. shockingly, the title was so appropriate. guess wad the title was?? it's "being content with who you are". like WHOA. it struck me real hard. and for a moment, if it weren't becos my comp is on right now and my parents are all walking around i would have fallen to my chair and start weeping.

i wept last night. was so confused and frustrated and hurt. trust me. whatever you do. if you want to breathe when u sleep, don't cry in bed. it sucks. excess tears seem to get stuck in ur nostrils or air passage. can die one. all these while i've been self-pitying. perhaps to get others attention. i don't know. it's difficult being human. why do we have to be such complicated beings??? the want for success and all. it was these badges of leadership positions that gave me confidence. but i didn't get them by my own strength. God gave them to me. i shouldn't be boasting about it, wearing the badges on my chest all they long. they belong hidden. i should be displaying them through my actions. not the badges. wad's the point of such material stuff. they make u sad.

i'd rather lead a simple life. be a farmer! woohoo!