I've walked the streets of Cairo and Bombay

I've seen the neon signs on ole Broadway

I've climbed the Eiffel Tower

The Great Wall in one hour

Experienced sweet and sour but that's ok

Seen Hollywood, the sunsets in LA

The London Bridge, Big Ben, the Thames, UK

I've crossed the River Kwai

Yet still I don't know why

I think of you each night and every day

There's no place I'd rather be

You'll always be a part of me

And even though, I've roamed the world

It's still my home I long to see

This is where my family

and my friends grew up with me

So I'll cross the skies and sail the seas

To be where i wanna be.

this song has pretty much been stuck with me for the past few days as i'm feeling homesick. my first few mnths here went along perfectly fine and dandy and i was honestly shocked at the fact that the expected homesick-ness never came along. Yet, just as i am all cocky about being independent, it strikes me and strikes me hard. I guess it's contributed by the knowledge that i am pretty much stuck here in the states for minimum a year. and sadly, it's gonna hurt even more during summer where everyone is going to head back home and be so excited about it and rub it in my face :( i on the other hand. will be retardedly taking summer classes or perhaps, as i've seen all the summer programs coming up, i might want to go on an off-campus trip like perhaps to Italy or China (cos of the food and the familiarity of asians and all things comfortable). doesn't help either to know that from now on, my holidays back home may not be as wonderful as they used to be, considering the fact that my close hang out buddies like bobo and chrystal might probably not be around in singapore. sad. what am i going to do??????

I truly miss home, and the song above does it for me. I've travelled quite a bit and though as a kid i wanted to become an american so much, now that i'm here, i'd say no. despite the fact that practically everyone believes or have this gut feeling that i will marry a white man. there's no place i'd rather be. singapore will always be a part of me. being far away from home for so long has taught me to appreciate all sorts of things in Singapore, like the safety, the accessibility, the food, and having all things familiar around you. As of right now, it frustrates me that i am practically handicapped. without a car and a driving license, i can't get around much except to areas within walking distance. even getting groceries and daily necessities is tough. i miss the convenient 10 minute trips to hougang mall, to popular, to the accessibly coffee shops and old chang kee. i would gladly spend the 15 minutes to walk home just to just rejoice in the easy accessibility of singapore, knowing that you can practically walk from an mrt station to another. 

and of course, there's the issue of being totally all alone. yes i have friends, but none i can truly bitch and feel self- conscious about. especially since most of them are so extreme - either too holy, or too full of shit and vulgarities and everything RA. i miss winnie, the dear darling bitchy brother of mine. sometimes i want to cuddle up and cry and be totally selfish, but i can't, cos i'm sharing a room with 2 other people whom i have to tolerate their nonsense, messes and inconsiderate late night whatevers when i have a class at 8am the next day. i do appreciate the fact that they are pretty nice to me and i've grown to love nicole very very dearly. 

i miss the people back home, my grandma and her smiles and her jokes and laughter which makes me tear up at this very moment just thinking about her. i missed her so much i called home only to be further heartbroken. I was delighted to call her and hear her voice, but the moment she realised it was me she very excitedly, too excitedly i would say, passed me to talk to my uncle whom i am not close to. it was awkward and he put the phone down on me when i wasn't even done with my grandma. i am thus terribly upset about this and it has thrown me into a uber homesick and upset mood. very very emotionally vulnerable. thank goodness i pretty much have the room to myself right now. 

then...there's the two brothers whom i've grown to love as we all grew older and more mature over the years. i used to loathe my younger brother to the core, but now that he's all grown up and mature, he is so endearing. i miss ruffling both their hairs and just teasing them. it's especially fun when you know they like it but are pretending to not like what you say...like "awwww...you're so cute..." or "so sweeeeeeettttttt...you know you lovveeee meeeee" yess. i miss all that and know that my two brothers, that i love you two and miss you dearly all the way across the universe.

so what about my parents??? i pretty much am very touchy on that subject. i have no idea what the **** is going on with the two of them, but they pretty much gone on the whole "family revolution" thing on us. i would probably miss them and realise that i may actually subconsciously love them despite my utter denial and refusal if not for all those lame-ass pathetic emails that are driving me insane with not just a "whatever" response but more like "wtf" (i'm sorry for the many vulgarities use. it's not very helpful to be surrounded 24/7 by people who use that word all the time it has practically invaded my brain non-stop. i use it when i;m pissed, when i want to say "destroy" or "damage" or "screw" and even the weather.) 

you may think i am being an ass about the whole family idea and love thy parents commandment, but try as i might, they are teetering tottering pretty much on my nerves. i mean..yes...they are trying hard. i can clearly see that. but it's truly a turn off when it turns from "i'm sorry. pls tell me where i've gone wrong" to "i'm imperfect mother" to "i've failed as a mother" to "it's so bad i won't be surprised i'm sinking into depression" to bloody lame ass ultimate shit "i'm asking God to bring me home". like WTH?!?!?!? and not to forget the self pitying "so and so's daughter is overseas and they IM/skype every week and i don't have" HOW OLD ARE YOU??!?!?!? 

"YOU DON'T HAVE???!?!?!"

thats probably a term i used in grade school honey. 

bloody emo for ur age. grow up. if ur kid is telling u this. smth is seriously wrong.

OH I AM SO GOING TO HELL.