traumatised

I have confirmed over the past few days..ok. 2 days. I AM terrorised, traumatised, wadeva-ised. The idea of shopping is HAUNTING me. Seriously. Whenever my mind is free that immediately comes to mind..ARH..I can't wait for this horrible thing to be over. one can practically see when i'm thinking about it. it shows immediately on my face. whereby my face contorts and distorts into a scrunched up expression or i just shake my head violently to get the thought out of my head...

I seriously need to learn how to become a fellow what they call "female". As much as I am physically one, I seriously think that I am emotionally and mentally not one. It's like a guy being stuck in a girl's body. How torturous is that???? I mean. How do girls know what looks good on them and what doesn't???? How do they colour their face so beautifully with make-up?? How do they squeeze their body into such tight fitting clothes and still be comfortable. Not to mention..BREATHE????? HOW???? How do they walk in hills (oops) I mean heels. What's so great about skirts and hard to wear things like dresses with all sorts of funny stuffs???? I just don't understand!

it's like as people are trying super hard to give me a makeover, everything on me looks disgusting even though it looks so damn good without me wearing it. Rather. It looks good on the mannequins. it's depressing. haha. i think i'm going through puberty. my brain has just caught up with my body. sad. rah rah rah rah rah. it's driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bah. i have to go get my top and all the other rubbish for prom tmr. alone. with amy. the idea of doing so is scary itself. but i know i don't have a choice. if not....i'm pretty much dead for prom. can just hide in the hotel room that the brudders are getting. hur hur hur. i'm definitely not going to look forward to all that. heh.

i went out with steffi today. what a horrible experience. haha. everyone should never share an umbrella with Steffi Goh. my goodness. she's so annoying. she clings on to you like cling wrap on a plate. and kicks water at you, dirtying your beautiful white shoes. then she screams and laughs like a hyena. i was utterly embarassed!

we got lost in suntec. hahaha. apparently..i didn't know how to get to marina square. i tried back tracing my steps from the way sarah and i got to the mrt station on sunday. but apparently i still got lost. thank good ness i wans't alone. i could have just sat there and remain lost and still be unaware. ok la. i was aware of it. i just didn't know what to do. hahaha.. throughout the entire thing, steffi goh kept complaining. thank goodness i'm so good natured and could tolerate her. if not i think i would have exploded on the spot. haha. dun worry steffi. i still love you =)))

i figured out something as she tried to make me try on all sorts of weird stuff. which i easily refused and she too easily gave up asking me to try =) what i realised was that i needed someone i was scared off to make me try on female stuff. someone like amy. as much as it is such a horrifying experience. it's the only way to get things done. SAD. think so far amy is the only successful one who has been able to get me into all sorts of things i prob never would touch. unless some fairy godmother comes along and make me girly. **claps for amy**

i agree with debs. getting stuff for prom is almost as hard as choosing the next route - jc or poly. RAH. and to make matters worse....i can;t log on to msn. yay....joy...