yesterday's conversation with pei hui kinda stirred something within me -- the end times.

with all the natural disasters, crimes that are no longer confined to the boundaries of theft and simple murders, gone off to incest, butchering of bodies and so much more. talking to pei hui awakened me to the reality of the end times. that just as how the bible predicted it to be, morals have gone down and these are but mere signs..

we talked about being ready and all. During last year, i was hoping loads that the rapture would happen just so i could escape from the horrors of the A levels. Back then the idea of escape was so strong I didn't even consider the real implications of what the Rapture would mean. last night as i talked to pei hui i started wondering if i too...was ready for it. and the answer is no.

As i laid in bed all night thinking about it, the more fearful i get. It's not because i'm insecure of my salvation..but rather..i know i haven't exactly been doing what i'm supposed to. like i dun think i have a relationship with God going on right now. there were times i wanted to denounce my faith because i just couldn't do it. I couldn't live up to being a Christian. though i never did it i'm still fearful about the uncertainty of the future. Will God deny me when the time comes?

I don't know :s

I don't just want to be dependent on You because i recognise i need You in my life. I want to have a relationship with You. I want to fall in love with you. find my first love all over again. To do all that i'm supposed to and to stop all that i'm not supposed to because I love You and want to please You.

That's all I'm asking for. Help me.